I’m fed up, with the whole thing. Specifically, I work my butt off, tend to turn in good work, which even my employer admits…. yet, despite supposed ability, I’m not worthy of paying enough for me to do what I want, which is to not need welfare to survive.
So, my doctor had pushed me out a month and a half, now I’ve been on the on call for cancelations, which means that at this point if he calls, I pick up. This morning I was doing more “essential” training… and I get the call. So, I take it, and I told him how it is, and he added more medications, and we’ll see how that works out….
I just think I’m asking a lot. At this point I don’t want to feel, period. Feeling leads to realizing what low regard my fellow human beings have for me, which makes me want to get away, which further reminds me that I’m not worth that much on the current open market. Then whenever I bring this up others try to remind me; “There’s more to life than money.”, Yes, so why must you pay me less than it costs to pay my bills? Is it because there isn’t?
It is an unclear amount of time before I am either sufficiently numb or sufficiently ticked off. If I get numb, I’m going to work for a few more years gathering all the money I can get. Nothing else, just planning my escape. If I get worse… then I’m leaving as soon as possible. I want to move into the middle of nowhere, build a house, grow potatoes, cabbage and carrots, raise a few goats for cheese / milk, barter for my coffee and I’m good. I want out. There is no place for me here. I’d die if that was an option, but I have a wife, family, etc. People that for reasons that escape me want me still alive. So, I’d like to set up my cell somewhere that I don’t have to make an effort for this lackluster and disappointing culture and species.