So, as things seem to happen, we had a little collision between my private health crisis and the support group. The major issue/technique is called dissassociating. It’s the point you pull your brain back and try not to return to the land of the conscious. You can even do it while awake, and every now and then a therapist will tell you that it’s “meditation” and “good for you.”
I’ll grant, I’m a fan. When I first wake it is incorporeal, aware that my body has decided to be ready to be inhabited again. Then I fight that urge. Stay abstract, my hands and body feeling an inert lump of flesh. So far I’m still losing, but I’d be interested to see if I could force myself catatonic.
Today I came out to my wife that I might have to take some time off for my health. It was liberating, in a way. It’s also a really dark place; everyone in my orbit can tell that I’m really sick, so when I mention it, they don’t really react. The idea that it’s “all in my head” kind of breaks down when I struggle to eat and sleep.
Oh, let’s talk about food. So I was eating better, but the trick to that was having a nice stiff drink. Then, my body being the responsive irritant that it is started gaining weight. I hate being overweight even more than being depressed. So, I push myself back down, and struggle to eat all the more. That’s how stress kills you, it destroys your function if you eat, and if you don’t. I’m being melodramatic; death is a long long long way off. Mores the pity.
5 comments
do you mean dissociation?
also, if a therapist is telling you dissociation is a good thing, that’s a red flag.. clearing your head in a meditation is different than dissociating. Dissociation is a defense mechanism that the brain develops post-trauma. I really hope your therapist isn’t telling you this is a good thing. It’s something that requires extensive treatment to have any sort of control over.
also dissociation is not purposeful, that would just be meditation.
here’s a place to read up on it: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/dissociative-disorders/
ahhh sorry for bugging but I have one last very helpful source:
https://depts.washington.edu/uwhatc/PDF/TF-%20CBT/pages/7%20Trauma%20Focused%20CBT/Dissociation-Information.pdf
Dissociation is your brains way of blocking trauma but that is usually hidden until someone jars it out of you or some event triggers you. I don’t think its something a therapist should be telling you to do with things you are aware of and dealing with. I also don’t like it much when they think its a good idea to trigger that block you have. That happened to me a while ago and I had to get on Xanax for a few weeks.
!! also!! I think what OP is describing should be referred to as active avoidance. Dissociation is an unhealthy defense mechanism and I agree, I really hope the therapist isn’t giving OP that kind of advice. I also hope that they’re not feeding OP inaccurate info… because dissociation is unintentional.