The last time

I called you. I called you, and you just asked if it was important, because you were busy. That’s why I decided I wouldn’t call again. It was important, I was looking for a lifeline, but I couldn’t say that, I couldn’t trouble you when you were busy. I had said my goodbyes, but not to you yet, I had a handful of OxyContin and an anti-nausea, I was checking out. I couldn’t bring myself to call the crisis line, I could text the crisis chat. You know what saved me? The stupidest thing; my fitness tracker watch. I walked and walked, there was a badge to earn for leap day, I didn’t stop though, I just kept walking and then there was another goal for another badge, 27,000 steps later, 3 new badges, and a good few hours walking, I just came home, too tired to even take the pills, too exhausted to care to die that day. I don’t know why I even cared about the badges, maybe just a last thing to accomplish before going. I thought about that that day too, but I needed them, just to know I could I guess.
Yeah, you kinda pissed me off a little. When someone you only talk to every couple of months calls you, you know what, fuck you.