I don’t know why nautical metaphor feels so fit for describing depression, the common denominator of loneliness I suppose is unparalleled. The point is; I feel quite alone, especially in philosophic and religious desire. I seek that which is beyond human understanding, and at the same time fully admit that what I am looking for may not be there. Those around me get more and more upset about my qualification that I do not know everything. Yet, there is but one flaw I cannot stand; pretending to know what you do not. So I am disliked/shunned by the religious and the atheists. I have a small group of each who tolerate me, yet they test me regularly on the firmness of my rhetoric and the sincerity of my belief. Today, I don’t know if I’m passing the test.
I’m trying to not just deny myself, but consider that which is removed a joyful sacrifice. As such, I’m not in a great place defensively speaking. Yet, I do this as I believe it is the will of the lord, and the only path under which I continue to grow as a person. I don’t understand how people in the West are so god awful sure of themselves. All the scientific data from the last century indicates that at every point we’ve been somewhat mistaken in our description of the world. Being open to correction was exactly the missing feature non-believers tell me they want out of those of faith.
Yet here I am, attacked by both sides for trying to bring them to the table. Truly the diplomat is a pathetic and unwanted creature.