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the buzzing emotion

by corvidaecorpse


uhhh i am feeling echoes right now like the emotion of buzzing like tv static being projected onto an old classroom projector

here is the events i just can’t process them right now but i need to put them somewhere just to put them outside of my head


so my little brother decided to drop in for a surprise visit and i’m playing host

my partner decides to postpone the usual shit he does to have a conversation/hang out with my brother

i am sort of joining in on the conversation mostly listening but the three of us are chatting.

this is the most conversation i’ve had with my partner in over a month because he’s always too busy with calls and internet shit

i am enjoying being able to listen to the two most important people in my life, enjoying following along the conversation

ofc this many words is overwhelming and i’ve got the shakes but this the two of them so as overwhelming as it is, it is also so nice and i’m trying to make it last as long as possible before i have to tap out.

little brother mentions something about how he has difficulty distinguishing between platonic and romantic love for his friends, asks about k and i’s feelings for each other as an example/guidance

k totally casually tells my brother that he doesn’t have romantic feelings for me any more, but that he can’t imagine life without me living with him and that we’ll probably be platonic partners forever.

this isn’t a conversation he ever thought to have with me or let me in on until right now as he says this shit no hesitation to my little brother as casual and confident as can be

like sure i already thought he didn’t love me i’ve thought that the whole time. i thought he just likes the attention, the loyalty.

but i didn’t think he was aware of that.

and of course he can’t imagine life without me i have been taking care of him and his parents for years i’ve bought him everything he asks for i do all the cleaning i am the one who’s always been there since 2016 whenever he or his family needs something

i just. god. this is so not the time for any of this i still have my brother here to take care of and i’ve been in the bathroom typing this for too long


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TheOpenRoad 5/1/2021 - 2:19 am

Wow that’s a shitty thing of him to do. I hope y’all talked about it later. You must’ve felt so hurt. I’m sorry man.

corvidaecorpse 5/1/2021 - 2:39 pm

thanks. my little brother will be leaving soon, but idk if I’ll end up talking to k about it. their parents got home this morning. i’m so shit at having words, at maintaining conversation, and it’d be even worse with an audience. i’m just tired, dude.

system 5/1/2021 - 3:24 pm

That sounds incredibly painful. That’s, like, the worst nightmare of everyone with social anxiety. I’m so sorry you had to undergo that.

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