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delusional spiral

by system

my paranoia is getting worse.  i have work to do and i don’t want to take my Seroquel because it knocks me out.  my mom made me take it.  i don’t want to sleep.  the minute i go to bed i

holy shit.  it’s really gotten this bad.  i can’t finish my fucking sentence because i’m convinced that if i think about it or say it or write it, it will happen.  i’ve been obsessively knocking on wood.  i need to.   why?  because if i don’t do it the the  *IEU*(E8uy9e89ye89uy i can’t write it i can’t write it I can’t write it FUCK

i’ve been making my parents knock on wood too and i lash out if they don’t.  because if they don’t if they don’t if they don’t if the hsKJKJHBJKDBJHKHJKUIY#eewu8e3ep3ei####I#IO#U#U3oii3u

holy shit i can’t.  don’t say it don’t write it don’t think it don’t don’t don’t don’t

every time i try i freak out and smash my hands on the keyboard

fuckfuck fuck fuck fuck

16 MAY 2021 // 22:19 PST

i haven’t eaten in nine hours.  i can’t.  it makes me feel sick.

8 comments
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8 comments

thedevilisclose 5/17/2021 - 4:14 am

May I email you when I get home from work?

system 5/17/2021 - 1:03 pm

I would really prefer that nobody contact me via email

Once 5/17/2021 - 2:11 pm

I wish I had something meaningful to say. I can’t imagine the mental cyclone you’re dealing with…its got to be insane to have to handle. I hope that at some point it lessens to a more manageable degree.

system 5/17/2021 - 3:18 pm

thank you. I really appreciate it.
I feel like I’m going crazy

blue_dude15 5/17/2021 - 7:09 pm

I have experienced something like this before because of my OCD. I hope you’ll feel a bit better soon, its really horrible when it happens. Take care, try to eat and drink enough water.

system 5/17/2021 - 8:24 pm

thank you, I will try my best

blue_dude15 5/30/2021 - 12:33 am

Hey, I haven’t seen you around for a while. Are you doing okay?

system 6/6/2021 - 1:50 am

i have no idea

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