what if he finds me? what if he hunts me down again? what if he’s still watching me?
i can’t shake the feeling. i haven’t been able to ever since the abuse started.
i can still feel it. on the back of my neck. i never feel safe. he continues to have a suffocating grip on me even after i mustered up the courage to get as far away from him as possible. listen to the fbi. lock everything down. deactivate all my social media accounts, lock my phone number, get my school e-mail changed.
but he’s still here. he’s left an impression of himself, it’s seared into my mind. he left marks. holy fuck, he left marks. i still have the burns. i still have his name permanently scarred into my flesh. thank god most of the facial scars from the razors are gone, because i stayed inside until they fully healed (not that i had any interest in going fucking anywhere. ever), religiously applied mederma and wore gauze on my face for a fucking week and a half. i wasn’t as lucky with his name because he made me RE-OPEN THE WOUND EVERY FUCKING NIGHT.
there was so much blood. there was so much fucking blood.
why did you do this to me, ******?
you convinced me that this was love.
why the fuck do i feel so empty without you even though you tore apart what was left of me?