What I’m thinking right now

I hate everyone
I hate everything
Why am I called a coward for wanting to end my suffering?
Why does my pain not matter to anyone?
Why doesn’t anyone understand?
Why do I hate life so much?
Why does life hate me?
Why can’t I catch a fucking break?
What’s it gonna take?
Where’s God?
Why isn’t he helping?
Will they finally understand after I die?
Will God understand?
Is God real?
It’s like a stone in the pit of my stomach
I can’t get rid of it
The tears
The pain
The immense sadness that no one sees
FUCK
All i wanted was love and understanding
Is that so bad?
Yeah i guess it is or I wouldn’t be here
Writing my thoughts on a screen that can’t give me real answers
Only generic ones
“Go to a therapist” they said
“You’ll be ok” they said
“I understand how you feel” they said
Fuck those damn therapists
I’m nothing but another dollar in their pockets
I won’t be ok
IM NOT FUCKING OK
No one understands
But I’ll make them understand
I’ll make all of you understand!
What it feels like to live in a depressed haze
Day after day
Until finally you’ve had enough
I’ve had enough
Fuck ur help
Fuck ur deep breathing
Fuck ur smiles
Fuck this life