Finally Moving On

I looked back on my previous posts to see where i was at mentally. And it was not good. I was 18 at the time struggling emotionally and mentally.

A few updates on some of my posts:

“I Remember”

This was about being sexually abused by my mother’s father at age 4. So a few months ago, i found out that my mother had actually planned for it to happen. She took us there, knowing it was an unsafe environment and waited for him to fuck up, without regards of who would be the collateral damage. I have since gone no-contact. It was been about 6ish months? And at first it was very hard to come to terms with. I had to accept the fact that my mother is a text book narcissist and cares for nobody but herself. I buried her and mourned the relationship we could’ve had (figure of speech, she’s still alive) and i have been so much happier since. My bf and his family have been nothing but supportive and have opened my eyes to what i have actually been dealing with. But since Mother is a narcissist, she has been contacting me through multiple fake numbers. I will probably end up hiring a lawyer to issue a no contact order and hopefully it ends there. It’s not something I’m really worried about.

I’m 22 now and I honestly never thought I would be alive passed 20. I was so depressed and filled with a lot of self hatred and insecurity. I have since been using different forms of coping mechanisms which is either journaling or talking it out with a great emotional support system. I have learned to manage my feelings better and find the silver lining is every situation. I’ve realized that everything happens for a reason and to analyze every situation before exhibiting a response. I’m going to school to become a biomedical scientist (something I’ve grown to be passionate about). My bf and I just celebrated our 2 year anniversary, and i have the cutest dog ever. I never thought i would dig myself out of the hole i was buried in. But i did it and life (though there have been ups and downs) has never been this good to me. I hope whoever out there is struggling will read this and continue to live and breathe everyday. If i could do it, you sure as hell can. I am here if anyone would like to talk.