Everyday I wake up the first thing that comes out of my mouth is “wish I was dead” and every night right before sleeping I say “best part of the day”… I am not a very happy person (obviously). However despite this I have something to look forward to to which I want to share my experience with the rest of you. And that’s taking mdma along with some magic mushrooms and let me tell you now that after spending 8+ years fantasizing about blowing my fucking brains out with a pistol what being on mdma is like. So the first time I did it I was sitting in my chair alone in my room (as always) waiting for something to kick in when all I felt was slightly sweaty. I had no idea what to expect but after a hour or so I felt this warmness expand upon the back of my head to down my spine and that’s when it hit. My head started arching upward to the ceiling as my eyes started rolling to the back of my head and I started to breath as if I was having intense sex (never had sex still virgin). Then it literally felt like an ocean (OCEAN!) of pure love started bursting from my chest it was so over the top I am certain my neighbors must of heard me moaning. Without even touching myself it felt as if I was making love to the universe and god itself. LOVE NOT SEX. It was so euphoric I struggled to have time to have a thought most likely due to my dosage rather than the drug itself regardless I thought for a brief moment about my depression and I literally could not understand why I was so depressed over being so anxious or to old to be a virgin or to this or to that all that shit was fucking GONE POOF DID NOT EXIST ANYMORE. And after coming down from my trip my first words were “damn I need a girlfriend to do this with”. I have never said I need a gf aloud to myself ever I always rationalized that having one would be an “expense” or “exhausting” but what it really was was my anxiety and fear of a intimate connection with another human being. Of course if I am to be %100 honest I still haven’t gotten one and I still do have those shitty thoughts but at least I understand what I need to do to push past this depression and finally develop and change as a human being. Also mdma makes you super empathetic which is why someone like me who hates sharing his inner thoughts is typing this because I think it can help if not save a life. Also if you have a bf or gf do this with them if you love them even a little (warning you’ll want to marry and have many baby’s). Check r/mdma for details! Stay safe! And don’t do anything permanent till you try this at least once! Promise yourself!