I think I was just doomed from the start.
This society doesn’t want people like me, it prefers that I’d die. I’m gay and transgender, so I’m already a target for horrible people to take their frustrations out on. I’m too disabled to work, but the government won’t give me Disability. Even if they did, it’s not enough to survive on. I’m not good enough at art, music, or writing to make a living off of it. Streaming is too tiring with my depression and chronic pain. I’ve tried to get a remote job despite my disability, but I’ve only gotten scams. I’m running out of money, and I’m trapped with my abusive mother.
It seems like I’ve tried everything. I think I’m just a useless human, struggling in vain to grasp any sort of happiness that I’ll never really have. I think I’m just prolonging my suffering.
What good am I if I can’t even do simple things? What’s the use of trying? I feel like I can’t survive on my own, but I find no point in surviving at all.
I’m contemplating using the last of my money to go somewhere beautiful and die, but even then I’d be a useless friend who let the few friends I have down by dying.
No matter what I do, I’m useless, suffering, and disappointing someone.