look, I’m a cynical hateful shell of a person who happens to be having a very difficult to ignore good week.
so if you are assuming that down the line I’ll return to my anti life anti organizations anti capitalist apathy, know that I am too.
I still hate the cheery; “Oh, nice things happen, therefor they will continue” which is usually a terrible lie.
Which is the amount of cautious framing I have to do because if I say things are going better without that, my distrustful wounded brain will rebel, because we’ve trusted people before, and that didn’t work out.
I’m working as an electrician, which I still think is an odd turn for a former mental health professional with a four year degree. All the same, it looks like it’s going to be a good fit. I like the kind of problem solving it drives me to do, and the people I work with. Most of all I love the freedom, when I’m doing the job right I’m totally left alone, and the more I advance in this career, the more I’ll be left to work alone, which is my candy.
Which isn’t to say it is without setbacks. The heat where I am is just awful. As in, can’t get my house to sleeping temperature even with a two year old top of the line air conditioner….. we got a window unit in the bedroom now, so tonight might be better. Even so, I have some problems of chafing, and I feel like I’m always thirsty. Oh, and the adjusting to a new sleep schedule is still very much a work in progress.
One day left in the week though, an assured five day work week has been a life long goal, and blue collar work is the only way I’ve ever gotten it.
Most of all though, I should have done this whole thing sooner, like right out of high school. I appreciate it more now, but man could I have avoided so much pain and debt if I had never done a damn thing in mental health….. I gained skills, but most of them are tolerating discomfort.
Oh, also on the middle rail; I’m doing better at not shaking like a leaf/having dexterity issues. It’s something that has been a problem for awhile, and it looks like this job might help fix it. I’m also stepping back my meds, because it’s that or heat stroke. One night down went just right; minimal meds, woke up when I wanted to, felt okay.