For the past year and few months, I have been feeling so low, mostly tied to work. I think I just really hate my career now and I want to quit but I don’t know how to do it without involving money. I am also currently in debt for hundreds of thousands of pesos because a combination of poor money managing skills and due to the pandemic. And maybe other stuff that just piled up so much.
Currently, I am in a job I fucking hate because of a difficult client. It feels I can never do good, I can’t seem to solve this current task no matter what I do. It doesn’t help that I don’t have experience about the current task and that I have learned about it (not fully) while solving it. My manager can’t fully handle and train me because they have another task to do. To be honest when they hired me, I thought they would fully train me but no, tho I told them I am willing to learn about it by reading stuff which they accepted.
I admit I had my own errors which makes me feel more incompetent. What makes me more guilty about thinking of quitting is I only got this job for a month. A freaking month yet it already made me feel so stressed, anxiety ridden to the point I can’t eat properly, and thinking of suicide more frequently. I am also worried if I would be able to find another job soon if I quit and a pay as high as this. I feel like a failure. I haven’t felt like this for so long.
I feel so hopeless even in the current situation of our country and my countrymen (I live in the Philippines, by the way).
I already bought envelopes for the suicide notes I will write. I really think I’m ready but it still hurts me to think I am gonna leave my girlfriend and our pets and some people, if ever, who would be so devastated if I ever do this.
3 comments
Hello. I feel devastated by my work too and also wanna die bc of it, so I understand you well. I didnt commit suicide yet bc I love my boyfriend and wanna try a life with him. May be it will be good enough with him. I have this…hope.
Try to do sth else besides your job: an online course, gym, therapy till you can change to another job.
If you commit suicide bc of your job the System wins.
There are other jobs or there will be sooner or later !
Hi
Hope you choose to stay alive. You sound like a good person who has fallen on hard times. I can relate a bit to the job thing, because I hate my job too, and also fear quitting.
But don’t beat yourself up about wanting to quit after only a month — it seems clear that work is really stressing you out.
Is there someone you can ask to help you find another job?
Pay matters, but so does your well-being, and if you feel terrible because of work, maybe that job just isn’t worth the pay?
Anyway, hope you get some support and help and good luck to you and the Philippines, beautiful country, wonderful people.
If I understood you correctly, you feel guilty about leaving or finding a better job. Just because they hired you, doesn’t mean you owe them anything.
We live in a dog-eat-dog world. Everyone is trying to climb up that social/corporate ladder, make more money, work less, the usual.
So if you’re stressed out and it’s obviously affecting your life, leave the job and find something better.
As for the debt, you can make arrangements with your creditors to make an easier payment or if it’s too much to handle, then declare bankruptcy, clean the slate.
I studied my butt off and didn’t end up in the well paying field I studied for. Lower income leads to a lower life really… so that’s part of the reason I’m suicidal, among others.
For now I’m just going on for a couple of family members I really care for, otherwise if I was alone, then the idea of suicide would be much easier.
I suffered a hell of a lot and while I had some great times also throughout the years, the suffering just wasn’t worth it. If I was being completely selfish (didn’t care about family), I think I would’ve ended my life after university, since nothing good came of it after I graduated. I had some fun in my youth but it pretty much ended by then.
Also if you’re not properly trained, it follows that you will struggle or fail at work. At my job there was a lot to know when I got trained. Without being told what the “right answers” were, it would’ve been impossible for me to figure out on my own and I would’ve made a lot of major mistakes.
So that’s the company’s fault for not properly preparing you. I’d recommend finding a less stressful job that hopefully pays as well or close. Why put up with that hassle?
Also you’ll leave a big hole in people’s lives if you ‘leave this life’ esp. if there are numerous people who care about you or depend on you. Not that you should live for others, but think about what would happen to loved ones around you if you were not there.
In my case I know one of my sisters and mother would’ve ended up homeless without my continual help and support, they’re doing much better now. If I wasn’t around, their lives would’ve been terrible, so I’m glad I was there for them…. despite being suicidal throughout my life.
At the end of the day nobody is in our shoes, we must decide if we go on living or not and weigh everything out. I have given myself about 10 years to see if I can take my life to the next level and find happiness, a great partner, nice home and a good retirement eventually. If I find that I’m still struggling by then I think I will ‘check out.’
Life, is like a casino in some ways. Some people get very lucky and end up having a life we all dream about. Others have an average existence, so they’re mostly content and others like most of us here, are left unsatisfied and felt we had a ‘bad deal.’ So at some point you realize the game is stacked against you, that you’ll never win so it’s only logical to walk away from the table.
While I plan to give it another decade or so, if I feel I’ve had enough or my life takes a turn for the worse, then I’ll check out much sooner. I’ve had my fill of suffering with no payoff, so I don’t care to have any more. It’s just wiser to bring a bad life to an end (if you can’t make it better) and you have eternal “peace.”