Loneliness

Ever since I can remember, I’ve had problems making and keeping friends. ive felt so lonely recently, and i feel like no one can help me, no one wants to help me

It’s slam poetry, so it’s better if I say it, but here it is

“is there a feeling that takes over you?

is there a feeling that just feels so… huge?

like a mountain of problems, of “oh, you’ll be fine”, of no way to solve ’em, and confusing your mind.

is there a feeling like that, makes you feel oh so flat.

makes you feel numb, feel defeated,

makes you feel that you were cheated.

by those who promised you’ll be alright,

by dreams of smiles all through the night,

by your own hopes you’ll be okay,

but now you know there’s no way.

…is there a feeling like that?

well, yes, i know from personal experience

there’s a feeling like that,

and it’s stuck with me for a while… for a long while, at that.

It’s called Loneliness, do you know it?

i mean, i do, for sure.

i also know there’s no cure,

and how it grows more and more.

how it feels when you’re last picked,

but not that feeling of having ‘clicked’,

with a stranger, or a classmate,

it’s so strange, wouldn’t you say?

it’s that feeling of dread and guilt when you keep messing up

it’s that feeling of horrible anger when the feeling just won’t stop

and there’s pain, and there’s tears, and there’s thoughts and there’s thoughts and there’s thoughts

and there’s a feeling of being so lost, so helpless and distraught.

It’s there when i sleep, it’s there when i wake up.

It’s there when I’m with others, like a volcano that won’t erupt

like an endless bubble of rage, of fear, of just please make it stop

but it can’t, and it won’t… will it?

so just smile, they can’t know that you’re not okay

just smile, just keep on laughing and joking, everyday.

act so well you just might convince yourself you’re okay

even though you’re not really laughing with them, and you feel like you’re far, far away”