all life is is suffering

I’m so tired of it. I just need it to end. I pray to god – any god – to let it end. It doesn’t. It never does. I’m going to sink in these overwhelming and awful feelings and I’ll never get out. I’ve tried so hard. Just let it stop. All around me is suffering. I’m suffering. I’m tired. Everyone’s tired. Why must it be like this? Maybe I’ll get lucky and none of this was real to begin with. I’ll wake up somewhere safe, peaceful. A place where things are okay, and where I’m okay, and the one I love is okay. But I dont think this place exists.

I feel like I’m being crushed on the inside, bit by bit. A piece of me falls and shatters and scatters its toxic remains everywhere inside. Every ounce of life and energy in me is being drained and thrown out of my brain. Theres no point for me to move forward. I have no real goals for my life and I don’t even want any anymore. It just adds more stress. One more way to wake me up in the night feeling sick to my stomach and like the world is going to crush me with its fists.

I know I should just take my loss and let it end. Let myself end. But I don’t. I keep going through my day with a sigh and dragging my feet, just waiting for it to end where I can sleep again. Is this the life I hold on to?

I just want to die. It hurts so much. It’s hard for me to believe I’ll ever be happy again, if I ever really was. The feeling feels so foreign to me now.

I cant do this anymore, call me weak if you must, I no longer really care. Let me die…