I don’t know what I’m even doing anymore. I obviously can’t take care of myself at all. I’ve ruined friendships, ruined any chances I’d had to improve my financial situation. I’m stuck and I know things will move further down, and I’m just trying not to drag my completely innocent roommate down with me. I don’t deserve the things I’d gotten. I deserve to be homeless and have nothing and noone because I’d gotten too much help. There are so many people who could take my situation and make it into something feasible. I’d love to switch places with them or something. Because I’m just not doing it. I’m a whiny kid loser who can’t get it right. All I can do is scream all of this into the SP void, because I can’t vocalize my feelings to anyone IRL. It does not matter what I think is wrong with me, because I can’t afford a doctor or a therapist. I can’t actually go on disability. I can’t take advantage of anything to help with paying bills while I work on improving my own life. If I wind up back home, I may as well quit and never try to leave ever again. I can’t cry, can’t even be angry. All I know is next week I work all week with overtime. Will not miss a day. I will have to figure out something in the meantime. I may be a horrible human being, but I will need to keep myself afloat somehow.
Any tips on how to properly live as a functional adult?
1 comment
not sure as to my qualification, but I’ll have a go.
Low expectations and being ready to live with the worst are my two key strategies. I got up and got something done today, at least some of which was just to make myself happy. That’s a pretty good day, as they go. I could be sad about my situation, and have been. But I made my peace with the worst awhile ago.
My worst is also a bit lower than most. Moving home isn’t an option, I couldn’t live without my dogs. There are however thousands of acres of unoccupied and unwatched land, many of which are within a few hundred miles of my current location. I could survive living rough, out of a tent or trailer. The owner shows up? Best case I charm my way into their good graces and compensate them for my use of their land. Worst case? off to find another unwatched property, they really are quite abundant. Sometimes you can even find one with a house on it!
Did you know that if you live on land for a certain period of time (where I live 18 years) and making visible improvements makes you the defacto owner? I figure I can ride that. A few years in I raise the energy to set up a cabin, or paint the structure I sleep in…. I’m a decent landscaper, give me good land and a few years…
So I have all that to fall back on, because I used to have panic attacks about losing my home. As for food… well I can rely on food stamps for the first few years, long enough to sort out what I can grow and raise myself. I’m thinking potatoes, onions, garlic and some chickens would provide all the nutrition I need. So I won’t starve….. Maybe even a goat or cow for milk and cheese… now that’s quite a fat and happy life.
But today, I have a house, I have food, and I have stuff to work on. Expecting more would be unrealistic. Again not that my life is any kind of model of function. It’s what it is, a very sick man making the best of things.