I just need to get out of my head, but I can’t… I want to escape myself. I want out. It hurts so bad. It’s not fair. Maybe it is. I don’t know anymore. I can’t get my head to stop spinning with all these thoughts and feelings; all I can do is curl up in a ball and hide… I’m in so much pain and I’m so sad, and I can’t pull myself out of it. I need help… I need somebody to hold me and somebody to actually care… I scream all my thoughts onto paper or on this site because I’m drowning in this muck of life as I become more and more of a vile rotten thing by continuing to exist… It’s a continuous fight that I don’t know is worth fighting for. I’m just this rotten, pathetic creature… I think… I don’t know.. Everything is so confusing, I don’t know what to think or if I can trust my own thoughts… I wish people could realize I’m not any better than I was, it’s worse now, but it’s just different… and horrible. Everything is dark and mucky and rotten and horrible right now.