I am a misfit.
I’ve never fit in anywhere, ever since i was a kid. I always knew i was “different.” But it’s not like I’m gay or trans that makes me different. That is understandable not fitting in. I don’t fit in bc no one else believes in the things I believe in. How can you “fit in” with people who do not believe the things you do?
Hell, I don’t even fit in among the “depressed” group bc I’m too depressing for them apparently and don’t believe in the fluff phony feel-good words they keep pushing, despite them knowing it doesn’t even work for them.
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-I don’t fit in with my gender bc I’m a tomboy. i don’t care for gossip, clothes, makeup, celebrity obsession, etc. I used to get along much better with boys when I was younger.
-I don’t exactly fit in with boys well either now, bc I’m not a boy and I’m not all about chasing girls, although I’ve always wished I was born a boy bc men usually make more sense than women. Let’s be real, women generally do shit that don’t make sense, make illogical arguments, do and say illogical contradictory things, and it’s just annoys the hell out of me, as someone who is generally logic-based (that’s not to say men are great btw, namely entitlement and patriarchy, ahem). I’m just annoyed by a lot of things typical women do or say. That’s not to say all women are illogical.
-I don’t fit in with general society bc I cannot work and if you do not, you’re seen as a useless POS in America and no one wants to associate with you.
-I don’t fit in with other disabled ppl bc I’m not disabled enough. Also, my issues are general ill-health from a car accident, not like MS, CP, etc which are very specific. Most other disabled ppl have very specific congenital born-with ailments, and they connect with each other bc they have similar stories.
-I don’t fit in the artsy community bc I’m not artsy or artistic. But I don’t fit in the general community either bc I hate being penned up in a box. And despite not being artsy, I am rather “creative” in some ways (but not enough creative enough to be artsy lol). I get bored of standard normal shit. I am not a square, never been one, and cannot stand to be bound by “whatever is status quo.”
-I don’t fit in with the general community bc I think on my own and question things- I question everything and don’t take the status quo of “well it’s always been done this way” or “that’s what everyone else is doing.” Most Americans do not take well to questioning “the way things are always done here.”
-I don’t fit in with the general society bc I do not believe in working like a dog in an unfulfilling soulless job till you die or retire (which is usually around the same time. Btw, just so you know, 2/3 of ALL Americans die BEFORE they’re able to collect Social Security, which is precisely why they set the age at where it is. It is not a coincidence).
-I don’t fit in with the general society bc I don’t believe in spawning children. For those who do, great for them i guess. Me, I don’t see a point. And definitely do NOT believe it’s a good idea to spawn children into poverty. Even when I was middle class making good money at a prestigious place, I definitely did not want children. Why? What for? Children are annoying. And as one gets older, there’s less single people out there to talk to, so your pool of possible available friends diminishes to the point of almost none. Also, married people with children only talk about children and diapers and duvet covers and shade gardens and whatever else that I am NOT interested in.
-I don’t fit in with Democrats OR Republicans bc I think BOTH parties are corrupt AF. and BOTH parties are out to screw us. and BOTH parties LIE to us. Everything on MSM is a lie, said and phrased in ways to make us believe whatever agenda they want to push. And believe me, they have their agendas. Namely, the wealthy ppl’s agendas. Who do you think owns the media? You think the people who own the media want the peasants to think for themselves? Or have peasant uprisings? American media = covert propaganda at it’s finest.
-I don’t fit in with religious ppl bc I am not religious. Every conversation turns to “just have faith” or “the lord and saviour did this” or “everything happens for a reason.” Really? So there’s a BENEVOLENT God that PURPOSELY let BILLIONS of people in the world starve and die of horrible diseases? I find that hard to swallow.
Hey, if someone’s religious, great for them. I do not attempt nor care to change anyone’s beliefs. But I don’t believe in that stuff, so how do you become close friends with someone when that stuff always bubbles up? Bc to them, religion is life, and is everything to them.
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We are social creatures that NEED social contact, social interaction, and meaningful friendships/relationships.
Just what do you do when you don’t fit in anywhere???
Am I destined for a life of loneliness and disconnection from the human species?
12 comments
eternaldarkness, yes what you wrote us very very creepy to me. But NOT of west you presume my response will be. Rather, I got weirded out because we think very nearly the same, except you’re female and I’m a dude. Other than that, EVERYTHING you wrote, I already knew. The only difference feels like I’m closer to the six-feet-under than you approach.
eternal have you ever lived in a major city? This is what I keep ranting about… It’s a simple numbers game.. The only way we can ever find people remotely similar (or even tolerant) is in a more densely populated area where such people exist. I guarantee if you lived in say NYC you’d find your niche social group pretty quickly just because there’s so much diversity. But I gather you’re stuck in a shitheap small town like me so you’re the only one of your kind. And ofc living in nyc (or most cities for that matter) takes some serious cash even for the tiniest studio apartment, unless you live in the ghetto which defeats the purpose. I guess the recurring theme is “help is available… if you got money”
i’ve always lived in a big city. lived in 1 big city after another. the drawback to living in a big city is cost, everyone is living on top of each other, insane amount of noise and pollution, and also more assholery. The bigger the city, the less the people care about others. Oh, and it’s always dirty and dingy af.
So yes, bc I’ve always lived in a big city, my rants have always been the fucking cost (not just rent but even things like TOILET PAPER is expensive af), the fucking NOISE, and how ppl are such dicks. The smaller a town, the more you see the same ppl, so ppl tend to behave nicer bc if you’re nasty, you’ll still have to see them again and it won’t be pleasant. If everyone is a stranger, you don’t give a shit how rude you are.
This is also part of why my view is that most ppl are assholes, bc most ppl in big cities kinda are. Same applies to online- 90% of ppl would normally never have the guts to say 90% of the shit they say on the internet IRL, but they do on the internet bc no one can come after them or get in their face like IRL if ppl were to hear the shit they’re spouting. Everyone is a fucking keyboard warrior, and it’s fucking disgusting. I am old enough to have grown up in the pre-internet age, and you don’t get this kind of assholery back then. I mean maybe they still thought those things in their heads, but they’d at least keep it to themselves for fear of getting punched IRL.
People feel entitled to act like dickwads online. You could post or say the most innocuous thing, and there will ALWAYS be a few assholes who will go and attack you personally and say hateful things.
I will be moving soon and it’ll be to a giant ass city, and my place will be teeny tiny, won’t have space to put ANYTHING, is expensive af, a million fucking neighbors not just on my block but RIGHT NEXT TO ME, extreme amount of noise, and i’m just not looking forward to that.
And no, I can’t exactly live in a small town either. Even small cities and towns are getting expensive.
They’re still cheap-ER than big cities but they’re no longer “cheap.” Unless you live in a bad area which like you said, defeats the point. I do not have a car and insurance and everything related to getting and having a car costs. Also, there is no diversity in small towns so I’m susceptible to racism there which is one of the main reason why I’ve always lived in large cities.
“help is available… if you got money”
Yup, that’s why I’m always ranting, bc I KNOW that’s the reality of life. And when ppl tell me stupid shit like “go for a walk” (yeah in my shit neighborhood) or “think positive” and “everything will be better,” I’m like HOW? HOW will things get better and change when one is not able to make a realistic fucking change?
THEY may have family or resources so it’s not as much of an issue for them. Or they do NOT have health problems, or if they do it’s “minor” as in it does not significantly interfere with daily life, and it’s always “think postivie!” “go for a walk!” “god never gives you more than you can handle!” like fuckall.
90% of problems American’s have is due to lack of money. Solve that problem and most ppl’s “depression” suddenly is 90% lessened. Will there be SOME people or SOME problems that money can’t solve? OFC, but the majority CAN. And in some instances, it is the ONLY thing that can help. If you can’t afford good drs (and let’s face it- poor ppl have access to mostly the shit drs, and i know bc i’ve lived it)- if you can’t afford good drs, how are you going to get better or be happy when you’re always sick? also, if you can’t afford good drs, guess what, when you are forced to go to one, they fuck you up MORE. which is exactly what’s happened to me. so fuck everyone’s bullshit “everything will be fine, as long as you think positive!” bullshit.
“I guarantee if you lived in say NYC you’d find your niche social group pretty quickly just because there’s so much diversity.”
So the thing is, while there likely IS more people that are compatible with me in a big city, the difficulty is WEEDING and FINDING them out. It’s literally like finding a needle in a haystack bc there’s so many ppl there.
The problem is that I don’t fit into any “community” like an art community or such, so it’s not a quick and easy way to find ppl like me. -_-
Idk what is me- I am a conglomeration of many thoughts and interests that isn’t confined to a single “group.” It’s always been that way since I was a kid. It’s like the post said, I don’t fit in anywhere. I don’t fit in with jocks, and while I was a nerd, I didn’t fit in with them either. I don’t fit in with Republicans and I don’t fit in with Democrats bc I find things wrong with BOTH groups. And if you don’t 100% agree with everything your party, you are not accepted.
In the past, I’ve joined TONS of groups, so each satisfied a tiny portion of me. But the problem is I meet so many people that aren’t like me at all, but maybe have 1 sliver of the same interest (say watching certain sports) but they aren’t similar enough for me to have meaningful friendships that go beyond that ONE or two interests.
In the past, it was ok bc I was healthier and was able to go from one meetup and one event to another. I even hosted my own meetups so I could do the events I want to do. But now that I’m sicker, I don’t have that kind of energy. Most days I just want to curl up in a ball and just end my misery.
Even if health wasn’t an issue, it’s an age thing. When you’re young, you can hop from one event or activity to another. Even if you still can, other ppl can’t anymore bc they get married and have kids and it’s very hard to find ppl who WANT to go out to do things. Married people with kids generally stay home bc they’re busy with kid stuff. Which is fine as I don’t want to be around kids or talk about making duvet covers or whatever shit, but the POOL of available people to talk and connect with, is severely diminished. It’s not like when we were in college and there were just people EVERYWHERE to make friends with and connect with, and everyone was the same age and on the same path at the time time.
I don’t fit in with ppl of my own ethnicity either bc I have differing views, mainly I don’t believe in cooking, spawning babies, etc.
That’s also why I don’t get along with women. It’s all about getting married and having kids and learning how to cook. Omg, do you know how MANY fucking conversations I’ve had with women who are constantly pushing me to cook? They’re always like “cooking is so fun!” and they cannot comprehend that maybe, just maybe, SOME people just loathe cooking, don’t want to cook and DO NOT find it “oh so fun!” Okay, actually cooking isn’t horrible, but it’s the fucking CLEANING I am against. But cleaning and cooking go hand in hand, unless you want to live like a slob which I do not. I do not make a mess just so I don’t have to clean anything up. Oh and the prep- cooking means having to lug a shit ton of groceries home with I DO NOT want to fucking do. Mostly bc I CAN NOT.
Yeah, I’d be totally OK with cooking as long as someone helps me GET groceries (which NO ONE helps me, and no, things like produce you have to pick out yourself bc instacart ppl or whoever will just grab a bunch of green bananas or a half rotten head of lettuce and you’re stuck with whatever they pick). I’d be totally OK with cooking as long as someone gives me enough money to HIRE a maid to help me clean up every single week.
And no, babies are NOT the “cutest” thing. To most women maybe. But to me, they cry, they drool, and they’re annoying. they require so much fucking work, I don’t want to wipe shit from someone else’s butt, so NO, babies are NOT “the cutest” thing. As a female, yes in 2023, you still get WOMEN PUSHING cooking and babies onto you. All the fucking time. Of all ethnicities. Less so with white women than other ethnicities but still overwhelming majority do.
And when you’re in your 30s/40s, that’s literally every fucking woman.
I don’t even feel like I “belong” in this world, on Earth, let alone “fit in” with people here.
hmmm, I’ve been staring at this for about eight hours trying to figure out what angle to approach it with… meanwhile every time I look at it fresh “We’re a couple of misfits” from the Rudolph Christmas Special pops up in my head.
I don’t fit, and I don’t particularly expect anyone else to fit with me. Yes, I get frustrated with the path that most of humanity is going down…. but what can I do about it? Not much.
I still remember (or think I do anyway) the point that I decided to stop trying. I was probably about 12 years old, and of course the kids at school had excluded me, because I was different. I think one of my parents talked to me about it, the net result of which was the conclusion that I could become a better liar and conform, or just accept that I don’t. I’ve always been a terrible liar, so that was pretty much solved once those terms were determined.
I’ve got the male expectations that for various reasons I miss. I’ve never been enough of a horndog. Like I had a few years that I slept with anything that moved, but that was more about resolving trauma than my gender. I’ve always been on drugs that tank my sex drive, so that’s what feels normal.
I don’t do well with the sexism or racism around me. Because of my skin color and gender people assume things, and those things are usually wrong. Then they say something terrible and I’m just left with… okay then? When people are proud of how stupid they are, how are you supposed to deal with that?
Oh yeah, that’s another issue. I pushed myself academically more than most people would. I still come in with my higher level math trying to explain things on a college level, when the world around me seems to have stopped paying attention in math during middle school. It’s not just math, that’s just the easiest one to point out. Maybe I should have been a math teacher, I really do enjoy teaching people math.
but it seems like you’re still grappling with being different. Everyone has their own journey with that. I feel that you probably fit more here than thrown into the wide world, but that’s my impression, I could be wrong.
I somewhat disagree on the city thing, that living in a city is better. In some ways it is, there are a greater amount of people nearby sort of like me….. but I live in a city in the midwest, a conservative city. Our biggest industry is churches, and so on. I’m agnostic as far as that goes. I don’t hate Christianity enough to be an atheist, but I’m not certain enough of it to label myself as any kind of believer.
but people are nicer in small towns, that I’ve seen. If you have a house they do way less to mess with you than they do in the city. Living in the city, if your neighbor decides they hate you, as they sometimes do, they can make your life hell. That’s before you consider whether you have an HOA, because if you have one of those you’re really screwed.
I wouldn’t want to live in a small town in my state, but somewhere else might be nice. Interesting aside; the book I’ve been reading is called “suicide town, horror in small towns” about a small town where strangely everyone is more suicidal. It ends up having a supernatural reason, sort of, but turns out there are real small towns like that.
IDK, it sounds kinder to me, if everyone had to fight those desires….. but there’s one part of it I could never do, it was built on a swamp. Me and humidity are not even on speaking terms, humidity can go to hell.
I have no idea if any of this is helpful…. I felt obliged to try given my own oddball misfit status.
Yes, The Island of Misfit Toys is the basis behind the title.
Oh I knew I didn’t fit in from a very early age. First in all 3 elementary schools, it was bc of my ethnicity and I wasn’t accepted for that. Then JHS and I realized I was a tomboy and didn’t fit in with the girls. At all. By JHS I accepted I was different and would never fit in. I can’t pretend to like things I didn’t. Hell, I think by 2nd grade I knew I was a tomboy. I refused to wear silly dresses. O_o
No, I don’t expect anyone to “fit in with me” but I would assume I could find at least ONE person like me, or at least someone who understood me.
““but it seems like you’re still grappling with being different.”
-Nope, knew at a very early age I was different and no, I will never conform. I had made that decision as early as JHS. No conforming for me, even if that means I sit eating lunch alone.
Funny you should say that. Things always appear greener on the other side. I *was* a math teacher, briefly. To kids. From 5-17yo. Maybe it’s different with adults but OMG. Kids are fucking brats these days and I just want to smack them. Like old school back of hand or ruler *smack.* Kids are so unruly, undisciplined, ill-mannered, ill-tempered, and parents are NOT teaching their little brats how to behave anymore. That’s not to say all kids are shitty and undisciplined, but this generation is getting worse and worse.
oh i would DEFINITELY NOT do well in a small conservative city. i am not conservative. i have my gripes with the democratic party, and believe me i have LOTS, but i do not hold conservative views and values (aside from a few). i am not religious and can’t stand to be preached or converted.
“I somewhat disagree on the city thing, that living in a city is better.”
Nope, never said city living is better. It’s the only place I can live bc I can’t drive -_- I mean I technically can, but I don’t like driving. And only big cities don’t require you to drive.
“but people are nicer in small towns”
only if you are “one of them.” Not saying all small towns are racist, but they generally tend to be. And that’s not saying city ppl aren’t racist either, bc they are. It depends on the town. Maybe there might be a town that’s better for me, but personally, I think I would fare better in Canada or somewhere like that. Not in the USA. Too much fucking racism here. I mean obviously there’s racism in Canada too, but I hear it’s much less, and I hear they are much nicer. Anyhow, I’ve given up on the USA. I’ve lived in enough cities and states to know I hate it here.