The reason why so many of us are depressed, and are languishing, is bc we do not have a good reason to continue on, to get up and fight another day. What for? What is at the end of the rainbow?
Most of us no longer have that Motivation- that ooompf.
Life would be worth living, if there was meaning, or some kind of purpose.
Life would be worth living, if your hard work and intelligence paid off and meant something.
Life would be worth living, if there was something at the end of the rainbow.
Life would be worth living, if you were actually able to do the things you want to do, and live where you want to live, and not be bogged down and limited by money or ill health.
Life would be worth living, if you have good people in your life who care about you, and you weren’t all alone.
But mainly, WHAT IS THE REASON?
I don’t believe in religion or any higher power, so that’s out the window.
I don’t believe in spawning children into this shit world, nor do I like children, so that’s out the window.
Religion and having kids are like 80-90% of the reason that OTHER ppl have for continuing on. Great for them I guess, but I need something else. What else? Fuck if I know.
I have a whole rant on voluntererism, so that’s out the window too. Most of it is bs and not what it appears to be.
I want to achieve SOMETHING, preferably something meaningful, but what can I do?
WHERE CAN I FIND MEANING IN LIFE, WHEN THERE IS NO MEANING IN LIFE?
29 comments
I think you hit on the simple truth: the 1 essential in every life, human or otherwise, is a reason to live. For most animals and many impoverished humans, survival is the challenge that makes life worth living. To survive feels good. But for those of us who are above the survival level, just enough to imagine a life that’s not centered around finding food, water, shelter each day, there’s that terrifying new emptiness of ‘whats it all for?’
I’m ‘lucky’ enough that I have a purpose. It makes the difference between life and death most days. But it’s also a curse because once you find a purpose in life it becomes a responsibility and a heavy burden if you’re not doing it efficiently.
For example say your purpose in life is to put out forest fires, that’s what you feel is the most important job for you. But all you’ve got is a garden hose and no help. See how having a purpose is suddenly a curse? While everyone else walks away saying ‘nothing I can do’, you’re the 1 dipshit out there with your garden hose trying to extinguish the appalacians.
That’s metaphorically my situation.
So unfortunately for me having a purpose isn’t enough, or rather I’ve managed to twist it into a reason to kill myself (self hate for failure to achieve said purpose)… though I admit on rational days it’s a powerful lifeline.
eternal, what would be your purpose if all your other problems disappeared? If you suddenly had perfect health and enough money to feel secure? Or hell… as long as we’re engaging in wild fantasy, if you suddenly developed super powers what would you dedicate your life to doing?
I’m curious, what is your purpose in life?
I’ll plead the 5th on that for now… When I talk about it (except in general terms) I feel like crap for failing. So in my twisted mind, as long as I never tell anyone about it then I’m not as big of a failure
you can tell me and i’ll delete it right away 😉
did you try to become a singer/songwriter/musician? something in that vein?
I did try to do a full length animation, so I know that disappointment. But my life purpose is completely different… It has to do with helping others, a very specific of suffering that I really associate with, although I’m not in it myself (hence the forest fire analogy). But yeah I also feel the disappointment of failing at a creative goal.
The animation died because like you said in the post,I just ran out of motivation. No oompf. I’m convinced that oompf is what separates successful people from us broken people. Although I’ve never met anyone with that drive, I’ve read about a lot of creative types who suffered the worst misery but kept doing their thing, I guess because there was no other option. Ofc a few of them also killed themselves so maybe we’re all alike in the end
I had that ooompf, I had that motivation. I wanted so BADLY to make something of myself. I grew up into nothing, a shit poverty life with shit family who abused me and beat me daily. That anger, that motivation, allowed me to move mountains, and accomplish things that most ppl could not achieve.
But sadly, that oompf is gone. The glimmer in my eye died when 1- I realized everything is bullshit (work/career/economy/MSM, healthcare, etc) and corrupt as hell, and 2- my body has been stolen from me.
I had it. I almost succeeded. But it was snatched from me. So all I can do now is look on with sadness, anger, depression, bitterness, etc. A life gone by. All that potential, poof*. I suppose “it’s never too late,” but I have no more oompf left in me, so what do I do now?
My mind STILL wants to achieve something, but my body says “pffft.”
Therein lies my depression. My brain still WANTS to achieve something, but what do you do when that oompf is gone? I do not want my life to rot away, but that ooompf, that sparkle, has been killed.
That’s the real tragedy, not just failing but being stuck inside a rotting shell forced to live with the memory of our failure. Even worse in your case where you almost had success but some fuck destroyed it. At least for me I have only myself to blame, so my anger is mostly self contained. But yeah I see in your case how it poisoned your entire view of the world.
That’s my biggest fear because I know it’ll happen to me soon enough. I haven’t lost complete faith in the world yet. It may be a steaming mound of shit, but I’ve met 1 or 2 genuinely good people along the way who remind me that it’s not all shit. But I think everyone has a breaking point, even if it comes down to someone physically destroying your body like in your case. There’s no recovering from that… short of finding a million bucks and hiring someone to beat the asshole into paralysis. That might put a bounce in your step haha
oh trust me, i have a lot of anger and disappointment with myself too. hence my depression.
oh no, that wasn’t what killed it. sure he was an asshole who ruined my body and my life, and so did the shit cop who believed his lie and wrote 50-50 liability and screwed me doubly over. Oh no, it wasn’t JUST that. Oh no.
What killed it for me what how the world treated me, after I was hit, ppl were SO fucking cruel. Not only did not a single fucking person help me, even in the slightest way, but I was treated like I had some kind of catchable disease. Everyone avoided me like the plague. No I was not outwardly disfigured or in a wheelchair or anything like that. But anyone who knew I was young and not working or knew I was injured in any way treated me like a leper.
THAT was the kicker. The accident was bad enough. But it was the world that kicked me in the face while I was already down, repeatedly. I was treated like absolute shit by absolutely everyone. That’s why humans fucking disgust me.
That’s why when ppl say, “there’s lots of good people in this world!” I say horseshit. There’s only a handful of actual good people in this world, and not enough for me to believe in humanity.
In the past, I had always wanted to achieve something great, whether it was to become the first female whatever, or to write a book and have my name live on, or to create a new process or product, whatever it is- I wanted to make some impact on this world. I wanted to achieve SOMETHING- something much more than working 9-5 and being a wage slave until I die.
I know it sounds silly NOW bc I’m semi-disabled bc of what that asshole did to me and ruined my life, but I was once very able, and capable, and did pretty amazing things given how little I had and how impoverished I was. And given how small and scrawny I was. I had done more and achieved more by the time I graduated college than most people have in their lives. Not bragging- I was essentially FORCED to be so due to being in poverty and wanting desperately to get out of it. I had to work 100x harder than anyone and everyone- and THAT grates me as well. Everyone else had everything handed to them, whereas I had to fight for scraps.
Anyhow, I had big aspirations. My depression comes from 1- realizing this world is shit and corrupt to the core 2- work/job/career is bullshit and is just a vehicle for your employer to squeeze your best years of your life and your life force, for meager pay 3- there is absolutely no meritocracy, no reward for hard work, intelligence, or kindness. 4- from the asshole that ruined my life bc he just didn’t feel like stopping at a red light, then lied about it and the cop just automatically believed him and hence, doubly screwed me over.
Bc I was always an overachiever, and did actually achieve a lot before my injury, it’s hard now to accept what I am- I’ve been a useless sack of potatoes physically and mentally the last 15 years. When I can’t accomplish or do shit, due to health issues, due to financial issues, and mainly due to my fucking fatigue. Every day I feel like death, I have difficulty with the most basic things- difficulty breathing, difficulty sleeping, can’t digest food, etc. How am I going to achieve ANYTHING when I can barely eat, sleep and breathe properly? Something literally a baby can do, but I can’t. And the world hates me for being useless. If you’re not working and making money, you’re life isn’t considered worthy enough, and the world doesn’t treat you like a human being. The world despises me, and I’ve come to despise them.
Anyhow, the greater the aspiration, and the greater the “potential,” the greater the depression when it DOESN’T occur. The higher you aspire, the harder the fall.
It’s like that thing of lowered expectations. Most avg ppl just don’t aspire to be much- they’re fine working 9-5 blah jobs, then go home and watch tv or whatever. Or spawn kids bc that’s most ppl’s goal in life.
That’s not me. When you have a desire to DO MORE or to BE MORE, when that is not attained, the depression is WAY MORE severe.
It’s like you said about reaching for the stars. If you fail to reach it, it’s going to hurt, bad. But if one never had any high aspirations to begin with, then it’s perfectly fine to be mediocre working at a meaningless 9-5 job. They never aspired to do more than that so there’s no problem.
“Anyhow, the greater the aspiration, the greater the “potential,” the greater the depression when it DOESN’T occur. The higher you aspire, the harder the fall.”
Holy shit exactly. And it’s so hard to find people who understand because most ppl are content with mediocrity… the spawning of babies and the 9-5 is enough for most people. I’m not dissing that stuff if that’s what they TRULY want to accomplish, but most of the time it seems like a copout.
But yeah that really sucks that you had your high ambitions dashed. I’m not even gonna give you the “BUCK UP, CAMPER! YOU CAN DO IT!” speech because I know what it’s like to fall off the horse and break your back. Sometimes 1 shot is all we get, and if we fall short then we’re left with regrets for the rest of our days.
“…I know what it’s like to fall off the horse and break your back.”
–>That asshole literally fucked up my back when he ran me over. Then lied to the cop and said it was a green light. And the cop just believed him, without even talking to ME first. And then wrote 50-50 liability on his shit cop report. Fucking douchebag.
You can see why I’m so damn bitter. Not just that car accident. Maybe that was the straw that literally broke my back, but I was angry and jaded before that. Life has screwed me over SO many damn times. People have wronged me in horrible ways.
Hell, the universe has screwed me over. Grew up in crushing poverty, daily physical and mental abuse, then the universe said “hey, let’s fuck up her body!” and had someone run me over, just as I had through sheer hard work and determination, gotten myself out of poverty. “Funny” how life is eh? Thanks to that, I’m back in poverty, except now I don’t have my health and body to be able to get out, not without outside help.
Anyhow, I know being angry and bitter doesn’t do anything for me, only hurts me. BUT HOW DO I NOT BE ANGRY? Anyone that’s had to live even ONE percent of my life would’ve either gone insane or offed themselves long ago.
Damn that’s brutal, fucked for life by an asshole who lied and got away with it. Now I understand the outrage…. The system is so fucked, and people minding their own business are ruined while the assholes win.
“BUT HOW DO I NOT BE ANGRY?”
There’s just no way. Some people might say “DON’T LET IT BOTHER YOU” or “JUST MOVE ON” but that’s stupid advice because it’s not a choice for some of us. Especially when we’re reminded every day in the news that our great human ‘justice’ system is totally back ass wards. It just adds to the outrage.
idk how to not be angry. I suppose in theory you can channel the anger into something else. Like suppose you used the wreck as inspiration to write a novel. Then (again in theory) on they day you publish that novel you can finally look back on the asshole and ‘thank’ him for making you a success.
no, the problem is that i had insurmountable obstacles growing up. everyone was shitting on me, and i used that fire to fuel me, bc i was so pissed. and i did achieve a lot through that anger. but i had motivation back then. i had a misconception that hard work and my intelligence would get me somewhere in life, that i would be rewarded. but no, i see the reality real clear now. that everything is so corrupt, and ppl are such assholes, that it’s quite futile to make any dent in life, to do anything significant. or to “make it” in life if you’re not a cutthroat asshole like them. bc i no longer have that naive view of the world, this anger now isn’t able to fuel me. all it does is fester. so…i’m fucked. (also, due to my health and fatigue, nothing gets fucking done, anger or not. so there’s that…) -_-
PS still indulging in wild fantasies here… Wouldn’t the perfect solution be if you became famous for accomplishing some great feat, and then you used your fame/money to somehow change the world’s BS and injustice? So it would be like putting your 2 purposes together.
One person that comes to mind is Jerry Lewis who had 2 goals in life, 1 was to be a famous performer and the other was to help kids who had muscular dystrophy. He managed to accomplish both. Hm but I hear he suffered pretty bad from physical injuries and had a tragic ending… so nothing’s a guarantee of ‘happiness’
ah, nothing like a good person to ultimately suffer more tragedy. that seems to be the theme in this shitty universe.
nah, i USED to fight for truth and justice and fairness. but no more. i’m too used up and too backstabbed to be so selfless anymore, to change the world. nah, i’ve given up on this shitty world, along with it’s shitty people. a few good people left but 95% of the population is shit.
the avg person has been so cruel and nasty and awful to me that i no longer care to fight for others. hell no. not just once or here and there, but repeatedly, time and time again.
there was once a time where I did fight for justice, i was selfless as it didn’t benefit me one bit- hell it HURT me career wise to do it- and all that happened was everyone who I was helping stabbed me in the back. knifed me and left me stranded alone. So fuck no, I don’t want to sound like an asshole, but no more selflessly helping others, especially when most ppl are ungrateful little shits and selfish assholes who won’t help you when you’re in need.
it’s time that *I* get what I need.
That’s not to say I won’t help a homeless person with a few bucks or a meal, but fighting Goliath for justice? Nah. That’s too much work for little reward. I get crucified, and for what? To help ungrateful shits who would never help me?
Let someone else fight for justice and all that jazz. I’m too old and broken for that shit. This world has broken me and has literally taken everything from me. So fuck it all.
also, i don’t want to be famous. i do not want to attract attention bc ppl today are fucking insane. ppl are so unhappy with their lives that they WANT to tear people apart, and put them down. just look at social media. anything anyone posts is going to have a lot of hate comments, doesn’t matter if you post the most innocuous thing, someone’s gotta write something mean and nasty.
and celebrities are attacked all the time. i’m so amazed and jealous of those people who have such thick skin. if only i didn’t give a shit about anything people did or said, i really would be much happier.
eternal, what would be your purpose if all your other problems disappeared? If you suddenly had perfect health and enough money to feel secure?
–>HEDONISM. I’ve had a shit life my ENTIRE fucking life. I want to have fun and enjoy it as much as I can. Engage in the 7 sins. Eat to my hearts content. See the world, do everything. Sure it would be nice to accomplish something but I also just want to be spoiled and pampered for once, to indulge in everything nice and luxurious that I’ve never had.
It’s not about the material things- not stuff- it’s about the experience. I want to be free. I want to be able to live where ever I want, go where ever I want, go whatever I want.
Also bc of my health, I actually do need to be pampered, like as in daily massages bc I can’t move as well if I don’t have that- and ofc, being poor, who the fuck can afford daily massages? My body hurts 24-7.
Ugh, it’s a pipe dream.
Or hell… as long as we’re engaging in wild fantasy, if you suddenly developed super powers what would you dedicate your life to doing?
–>Well…I wouldn’t dedicate my life to it, but I would go revenge on all the assholes that wronged me. No I wouldn’t kill them. But I’d make them taste their own medicine. To do them what they did to me. But 100x worse. I know that sounds evil, but fuck em. They’re assholes. They sure af had zero qualms doing that to me.
Actually, I’d hire someone to do it for me. I’m too moral of a person to even know HOW to do evil things to ppl or to manipulate or gaslight people. Other ppl are far better at that than me. So I’ll hire someone to do it.
if I had superpowers, what would i dedicate my life to doing? idk. i would definitely keep it incognito tho. not gonna let the world find out my superpower to take advantage of me or kill me. or study me in a lab. hell no.
Also, depends on what super power I have, and how much time I have left. With my luck, I’d get a superpower and 5mo later drop dead just as I’m about to have fun and enjoy life. Yeah no.
OK fine, one thing I would do for humanity is this- show everyone what it’s like to suffer- show a racist or bigot what it’s like to live as a minority, turn them into a different race, show a misogynist what it’s like to live as a woman, turn them into women for a year, show carefree middle and upper middle class people what it’s like to grow up poor, be poor, and live poor. Turn them poor for a year (they can go back after). (I’d do other things to the uber rich tho bc they’re obscene). Or to be disabled. Like make them live it for a year say. So people will truly know what it’s like to be poor or disabled, or have to face racism on a daily basis, what it’s truly like to be an “other.”
I’d sit back and see if anything changes, if people actually become more kind, caring, empathic. Or would humanity continue to be assholes? My bet is, they’d still be assholes.
Well, I’d have to be given powers first to find that out. O_o
that would be an awesome experiment, but I’m thinkin yeah we know the outcome: nobody will change. Half the time when you give someone a taste of their own medicine they just dig their heels and become bigger assholes.
My ‘faith’ in the world (what little of it) is based on the idea that the few good people can be smarter than the assholes. So even though the ratio might be 1000 assholes for every 1 good person, maybe that 1 good person can potentially outsmart enough assholes to balance out society.
its a pipe dream I know, but since I don’t believe in a benevolent god or superior aliens who will swoop in and fix this shitheap, my only faith is that the few specks of good people will eventually pull their shit together and steer this dung heap in the right direction.
On a large scale there’s very little evidence of that. maybe there are occasional news blips about some rich philanthropist who buys a forest to keep it from getting chopped down (that’s literally the case with a nature preserve near me) but those are few & far between. And for every rich philanthropist there are 1000 rich assholes who will raze a forest to the ground so they can build chemical refineries and toxic factories (also the case near me lmao)
so yeah it’s a faint wisp of ‘faith’ but I guess the nature of faith is to believe in something ridiculous
“And for every rich philanthropist there are 1000 rich assholes”
–>Exactly. More like 1:10000. Same for every good person for every 1000 or 10000 bad ones. There is no way 1 single person can be more influential or powerful than 1000 bad ones. Unless you’re talking Jeff Bezos kind of money. But Jeff Bezos didn’t get that kind of money from being kind and philanthropic. He did so by not giving his employees enough time to pee so they have to pee in water bottles to meet his insane quotas.
Those are the type of people who run our world. They squeeze every last ounce of productivity from us until we’re used up, bone dry and have nothing left.
“maybe that 1 good person can potentially outsmart enough assholes to balance out society.”
nice pipe dream but unlikely. sad reality in this shit world we live in.
well, my solution is having a very small but apparently essential purpose, not that it prevents the occasional hopeless feeling.
It helps that I have dogs, and they and I have the same purpose; make people smile, be a comfort.
It’s not much of a purpose, but if my dumb dog can make it work… or so goes the theory.
I’m not allowed to die, or kill anyone, very similar to the basic rules of a pet. As long as I accept those rules I’m fed, clothed and given shelter. But if I want to spend several whole days grooming myself, that’s totally okay (though I can’t lick my own bits, I imagine that would be immensely gratifying.)
I’ve gotten my pain low enough that I think I can make that motivation system work. We’ll see though, maybe humans need more than being an emotional support animal. If they do, I’m screwed.
so what does one do when they have no “essential” purpose? there’s just no reason to live in a broken fucked up society where humans are little more than chattel, to be used and discarded when everything is used all up.