So many want to escape their life- so do I.
Most people choose drugs to do so- drugs, alcohol, etc- to numb themselves.
I never wanted to go down that rabbit hole, but escape from my shitty reality would feel so good.
Well, I wouldn’t want a temporary illusion that drugs or alcohol could give me- I want real change.
But I am too broken and too fucked up at this point to fix my life. Hell, back when I *DID* have all the energy and determination, all I got was kicked into the dirt. Every time I got back up- shitty people/the Universe- kept kicking me back down.
At this point, I’ve been kicked down so much I no longer have the will to get back up. But not fighting like hell to “get back up” or rather, try and change my life, means I will be stuck in this shithole of a life forever.
I’m tired. I just want to know if I do this or that, that my life would ACTUALLY be better, rather than expend a fuckton of energy I don’t have just to get back in the same fucking situation.
1 comment
I’m the last person to be giving advice on this subject, but I really think you oughta explore drugs… If nothing else maybe some powerful sleep aids since you have bad insomnia. That (sleep) is my only real escape, and sometimes it’s a literal life saver. When your mind gets stuck in that suicidal feedback loop you gotta shut it down hard, and drugs are the only way to do that. Well there’s SH but we’re not going there. I think, done responsibly (whatever that is), drugs might be what you need.
I hear ya, the temporary nature of drugs are a turn off. Another pointless exercise that accomplishes nothing. But like I said, sometimes you just need to pull the plug on your brain before things get ugly. Ambien is the king of that. And I’m sure you can get a prescription with your history of insomnia. Pop one of those and suddenly it’s tomorrow lol. Problems are still there, but at least your hamster wheel isn’t coming off its bearings…