I can’t take my shit life anymore. I’m trapped in a shitty situation and I can’t get out. I wish someone would rescue me. Ofc that’s a pipe dream. There is no one is that is going to rescue me. I have to do it myself, bc I’m all alone. I have no one. No friends, no family, no SO, no love, nothing. Shit, I’ve lost my self-esteem and drive, so I can’t even help myself anymore.
I’m falling apart. I mean I’ve been broken all this time but it’s just getting worse and worse and it’s horrible.
What do I do? How do I get out of it? I still don’t want to end it yet (also bc it takes EFFORT to fucking end it properly and not wind up alive and more fucked up), but I’m getting closer and closer to that line of going to Mexico and getting a bottle of N to end it all.
I’m crying out for help, but everyone here is just as broken as me. We are just words on a screen to each other.
I need someone to help me. Someone physically here to tell me that my life matters. Honestly, what is my life worth? If I live or die tomorrow, life goes on. My life is meaningless.
I need someone to physically help me get out from my current situation. I can’t do it on my own. I need gobs of money to take me out of here. I can’t afford to live in the US. Even in a third world country, it takes money to live a good life there. It takes more money than what I’ve got. Even fucking Mexico is too damn expensive.
Also, I have lost all confidence in myself so idk if I can even manage to get out there. I WANTED to a few months ago, but this evil manipulator purposely knocked what little confidence I had in myself, so here I am stuck in a bad situation and not doing a damn thing to get out of it.
It’s not easy to just relocate to another country. Well, it would be easy if 1- I had a lot of money and 2- if I had my health. When your health goes, so does your mind. But then when your mind goes, so does your health. So it’s a vicious cycle.
For the moment, I still have it in my head the ONLY way out is to move to a 3rd world country. But idk anyone in another country (well i know of one but she’s a vile ***** that’s going to talk shit about me to everywhere there if and when I finally manage to immigrate there).
Hell, I’m not even sure which 3rd world country to move to. I have so many limitations. My health prohibits me from all the hot/humid countries, so that eliminates A LOT of the 3rd world countries. And Money. It has to be cheap enough for me and hell, even fucking Mexico (at least where the expats live) is too fucking expensive for me.
Also, that desire and will to move was strong in 2018 and 2020, but with declining health and declining self-esteem, that desire and will is almost extinguished. I KNOW I need to GTFOH but I just haven’t got the OOMPH and confidence to fucking do it. So here I am stuck here. In this hellhole.
IDK any other solution other than moving to a 3rd world country. It would be one thing if I had a friend- a real friend- in said 3rd world country- and I can just fly over and get help. But it’s an entirely different story to be ALL ALONE and try to move to a foreign country, NOT KNOWING THE LANGUAGE, NOT KNOWING ANYONE, have limited funds, have limited health and energy, and just “go do it.”
IDK if I can do it. I can’t be chickenshit and stay here. But it doesn’t seem great moving to a foreign country not knowing anyone, not knowing the language, and who the fuck is going to help me? I need help. Going solo IS kinda scary. It’d be a different story if I know the local language and can ask for help or talk to people but not knowing the language and trying to live there is stupid scary.
Well, moving to a 3rd world country is the only viable thing I can think of. IDK what other route I can take? And WHICH 3rd world country? I don’t even know which one I should pick. None seem optimal. The better ones OFC cost more money. So FML.
–>So what do I do? Do I go forward with moving overseas? I just don’t have it in me anymore. It’s like trying half-heartedly to go on a diet, or exercise. Just the first step doesn’t even happen. And the drive and determination just isn’t there.
But if I do nothing, I will stay stuck here and lead me nowhere.
5 comments
I just can’t think of a third world country that would fit the bill. Every one I think of, something wrong, usually humidity. Some of the ones I found aren’t 3rd world anymore, like Kazakastan (which does seem to have some humidity issues as well, but less than average).
Personally, I wouldn’t write off the United States, there are still quiet places that aren’t too expensive. I’m still on Michigan, but that’s specifically about education which doesn’t sound like an issue to you. What about either of the Dakotas? Pretty quiet, boring, but the cost of living is pretty low.
I’d look at Canada if I were you, heck I have been looking at Canada. It’s easy enough to slip in there as an American and just never leave….. Canada isn’t as xenophobic as the United States. It might be some effort finding somewhere to live, but no more than anywhere else.
All the population is grouped in the coasts and along the US border, go a few hundred miles in and it’s pretty isolated. I think you might be able to qualify for political asylum, given the attitude towards mental health in the US.
Mostly I guess I’d try to claw back some physical and mental health, because that is what I am in fact doing. I’m never going to be 25 again, but I can get some stuff done. It might be unfounded hope, unrealistic even, but the alternative is letting the weight of the situation crush you. Grant, I still do, but I have a few hours a day where I don’t.
Focus defines reality. And I don’t say that to downplay the problems, or suggest it is simple. Having a goal seems to help a lot, even if it doesn’t actually accomplish much, you can start re-earning your own respect.
Having written all that, I still feel like it may come off as insensitive. So this is the disclaimer; I’m an idiot who can’t make this life thing work either, most of the time I’m just spitballing ideas and occasionally one of them will work.
I’m thinking of SA, like Ecuador. Even Chile is $$$. It would have to be a SA country I’m thinking, bc it’s 3rd world but not humid af. Heat and humidity strikes off Central America and SE Asia. Which are the best, cheapest and safest 3rd world countries to live in. But heat and humidity I can’t do. So that leaves me with SA basically. But I can’t speak the language. And again, not all SA is affordable. Chile looks good, but that costs more $$$. Even Peru costs $$.
But it’s also a question of HOW am I able to get there and survive there without knowing anyone and without help?
I’ve mainly been focusing on Ecuador bc I had a “friend” that moved there (but she is a total c u n t). There are some expats there but idk if I’d want to associate with them as they’re all old and cranky af.
Anyhow, the problem is step1- HOW do I manage if I know NO ONE? With NO HELP?
I have looked into their expat groups and they sound shitty- like pull yourself up from your bootstrap type. Like I need at least ONE person to help me get settled in, show me around, teach me the area and such. But I have no one. And idk, these online groups aren’t that helpful.
Like ONCE I get situated and settled in, I’m fine. But it’s the initial going out into the great unknown, not knowing a soul, not knowing the local language, not knowing the area, not knowing how things work there, not knowing where anything is (stores, drs, where i can get all the stuff i need, health stuff, etc)- ESPECIALLY when i have health issues and need to take care of certain stuff daily- like all that uncertainty and unknowns is what stops me from just flying over there.
Yes I’ve done my research online but research can only go so far. And also, what’s written online isn’t exactly accurate as 1 article will say one thing and 3 more articles will say 3 more different things about the same topic (like cost of living, housing, etc).
heartless- I NEED to go overseas. But I am scared to go without knowing anyone and not having any help, and not knowing the language. Even flying there isn’t easy. It’s a long ass trip and there are no direct flights, and transferring to a local flight isn’t easy.
And details like phone- I need to be able to call there but also keep my # here and get my texts bc all my security texts get sent to my phone.
IDK man, I’m getting mired in all the little details. And it’s preventing me from just fucking going. The flight and phone. And not knowing where is a good place to rent, even if it’s 1 or 3mo.
Canada is sure af better than US but it’s $$$. Idk about cheap areas here in the US. I don’t have a car but if I had to get one, and pay insurance, gas, maint, etc. including rent, then I don’t think it’ll be cheap. Like it’ll still cost me a lot of money. To live in the middle of fucking nowhere.
I feel like I HAVE to go to a 3rd world country. I don’t want to live “poor.” I want to have a nice apt and not worry about being able to afford stuff. So it has to be a 3rd world country. I don’t see anywhere decent in USA where it’ll be “cheap” and safe. I mean, I don’t want to live in a shitty ghetto or racist redneck area. I’m a small female, not a big guy, and I’m not white, nor am I black, so I’m wary of being in certain places where minorities are not exactly welcome.
And being single, small female, I need to be somewhere relatively safe.
I mean if money wasn’t an issue, it would be so easy. I’d move to frigging Hawaii. Or Singapore or Malaysia. Or hell, I would be a nomad and just travel the world. That would be my dream- to be able to just live anywhere, travel everywhere, not be stuck like I am now.