What’s going on in my head?

I don’t really know.
There’s someone I worry about constantly and miss everyday, and I don’t hear from them as much as before at all.

I pray for them everyday, and hope we can talk more and that things improve.

I don’t really know how to get the start I need with the career I’m trying to get into…

Idk what to even do. I’m just tired of being the problem.

How the hell am I supposed to fix myself? How do people even live proper lives?
I know in my mind and soul that I’m not like most people. I’ve been told what a man is supposed to be and what not, and it’s just not me. I’m not necessarily going to have a family at some point, I just need to fix my own self before even thinking about that.

I really am shit under pressure then, because I’m totally failing even now.

I don’t know how anyone even puts up with me honestly.