I cant take much more. I’ts like I’ve ruined all of my relationships and somehow my rock bottom became even deeper. I am constantly thinking about dying. But I know it would harm everyone in my family. But how much of a difference would it make because Im always selfish anyways. Ive tried to change and just when I thought I made some progress its like I go 10 steps backwards within a day. I don’t want to try anymore. I’m exhausted. I want and don’t want to die at the same time. I am constantly at war with myself and my emotions, all the time. How much more can I take before I make the final decision?!
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6 comments
Ur last statement sums up my train of thought from morning to night. And who the fuck wants to live like that.
Yes I know. its a struggle
I often ask myself is the struggle worth it, I don’t think it is. Btw pay no attention to that headcase who felt the need to throw needy insults ur way, ur good, so post away on any topic u feel drawn to!
Ohhh trust me, rock bottom can always get deeper. Believe me when I say that there is no such thing as rock bottom because there is no bottom. It’s a fucking freefall man into the depths of oblivion. Somehow you’ve made it this far in life I trust that you have the fortitude and strength to keep going.
Sometimes leaving seems a better choice. At least its change, and not the constant awfulness of existing with the weight.
my guess is you are here still because of a person, not fear of what comes after death.
i am not still here for me.
i am still here cuz i know how i feel when a celebrity i like commits suicide. i imagine it is 100 times worse for their family and friends who loved them.
i have family and sorta friends who love me. just because i cannot fully feel what they feel does not mean i do not care for them.
i know deep down i have not crossed some important things off my to do list in my life cuz i know when i do i will be one step closer to leaving no mess behind for my family to take care of when i am gone.
the biggest thing is making it not look like a suicide so they get the insurance money. AND so they do not feel the guilt all those left behind by suicide always feel. they always thinks there was something they could have done to stop the person. maybe it could have delayed it for years but they probably still would have done it.
if i figure out a foolproof plan, i might just do it despite my house being an mess and my financial papers being all over the place.