I should be a mom. They should be here. I would go through the pain I went through a million times over if it meant just one of them would be here with me today.
My babies,
I think about all four of you. I wonder what you would’ve been like. I wonder what you would look like. I miss you so much it almost feels like I held you in my arms. I’m so sorry my body wasn’t strong enough. I’m so incredibly sorry that I couldn’t carry you all the way. You were so, so very wanted. The heartbreak of every negative test was immeasurable, but it felt worth it when i finally watched those two lines appear. I find comfort in your blankets, but not enough. I miss you so fucking much. I loved you so fucking much. I dont know if I believe in an afterlife or at what point a human would even have a soul, but just incase you’re out there somewhere…
I love you
–Mom?