I feel like shit.
I have sick days or off days, and I just lay in bed.
I’m either tired or irritated on those days, and I wind up not doing anything. Just getting up to eat something or use the bathroom.
I’m so up and down in general, like a boom-bust cycle.
I have yet to find a therapist, to get shit done, etc.
I work and can barely pay my bills.
I don’t spend all that frivolously, I spend mostly on food though, so I barely have savings at all.
I’m just fed up honestly. I’m eventually going to leave where I currently am and move somewhere else at some point in the next 3 or 4 years, probably sooner if I can downsize enough and figure something out.
I don’t know what to do anymore because I’m just tired.
I can’t take care of myself, so where would a girlfriend/wife or kid fit in at this point either?
Just a huge waste of potential, a burden, a waste of space. It’s why I keep to myself. I need to get my life in order. If I can’t do it on my own, then what’s the point right?
2 comments
I can relate, I have down days I rarely move from my chair or bed. It’s a lot of hustle right now just to stay alive too, working and earning just enough, not enough often I have to economize.
I guess I go back to my somebody else’s problem theory, it’s how I stopped getting angry about things and instead sad. Could it be somebody else’s problem? Could the action be fobbed off on someone else? If so, by all means, geez no one paying me to make waves.
Better compensation is the answer, of course. Not just money, time and effort. If we’ve made these massive advances in productivity, why are we treating people worse than before?
so I’m saying it’s a mankind problem. We’re all underpaid, post trauma abuse and low self esteem. As a species.
So when you typify, when you represent what people are the most ashamed of in themselves? That’s our lot.
back to what I said earlier about value, there’s no lack, it’s a devaluation on a massive scale. So that a person of value is now a burden, because the economy is very short sighted?
I might be useless, I’m no burden. When the rest of the species remembers that humans matter, I’ll be quite useful. You’ll probably be too. It’s a manic dream at this point, but even manic dreams are better than nothing.
I have historical backing for it though. Humans don’t tend to succeed, long term with restricting other humans. It tends to be a losing adaptation. Which is why this is very much Evolution’s problem. The worst behavior is briefly beneficial, sociologically this is absurd that it should be this close to winning.
That needs to be selected out. It’s a failure of economics too, because economics is intended to well distribute scarce resources……. we aren’t at the worst point in recorded history, but the worst we’ve ever been on purpose. We never said yes to a pandemic before.
It’s honestly a mess.
I know better than to sit and complain about stuff out of my control. My problem is the stuff in my control I feel like I get nowhere even when I put things into it.
My brain is a mess, I know that’s part of it. I used to be a lot better at some things when I was younger. I just feel like I’m just lagging behind no matter what I try to do.
I’m aware that not everyone can “win”, at least in terms of monetarily, or whatever monetarily “winning” is per person. Like we can’t all be rich because that fucks up the economy but it’s just insane that we still have people who can’t find work, who are forced to be out of the streets, stuff like that.
I think it’s just a lot we have to consider now a days that wasn’t as big a thing as before with the internet and national/international news being a thing.
We as human being share a burden of awareness that no other animal on planet earth has. We lack natural advantages that a lot of other animals have, but we have insane mental capacities that have made us who we are.
It’s just a lot. I don’t know how people do it sometimes.