Human beings are interesting. We hold ourselves back because we put ourselves in the shoes of others and imagine what it would be like to suffer the way they would. And yet, almost everything in this world can be obtained by ignoring that impulse. By abandoning empathy. And all the while holding back, I suffer myself anyway. I don’t have much courage to be evil, but I’m right there along the border, on the other side of veil, waiting for the thing that convinces me to abandon all care and finally cross over.

I daydream about what I’d do to people who say things about me that I don’t like. I daydream about getting off at the same bus stop as someone else and following them until an opportune moment presents itself.  Daydream of revenge and of satisfaction. It’s all there. It always has been. I’ve just been ignoring it because prison sucks and I hope too much that people aren’t as shitty as I all too often perceive.

I can feel the membrane of the barrier. I just haven’t decided to plunge-in beyond it yet.