What is happening to me?!

I know that many people would notice if I disappeared but thats because I am such a pain in the ass. Maybe it would be easier for everyone to not have to deal with me. I am only a burden to people. I care and love so much and I believe that its just too much and to overbearing for most people. I thought I was doing better. Even with everything I have been through, (abuse, ptsd, depression, etc) I thought I was gonna be okay. After my last attempt, I fully believed that I want to be here. Sometimes I really do but people act like I am such a burden and it makes it hard to even feel happy or love myself. I haven’t felt this way in so long. What is even happening to me?