I got told by many doctors and psychiatrists that I had depression around two/three years ago. Since then they have told me that “it will get better” or “you can be cured”. Lately, I haven’t noticed anything getting better at all. Actually, I’ve been feeling a lot worse than usual. A few weeks ago I had an appointment to see if I needed medication, they told me once again that “it will get better”. So, no medication. I’m not angry that I didn’t get it, I’m just sick of hearing the same thing over and over again.
My sister also has depression. But, unlike me, she has an eating disorder and was sexually abused. She self harms, and so do I.
This may seem really selfish and immature, but I have no one to tell. I need to get all of this out because it’s been boiling inside of me.
Because she has been abused I feel as though my parents believe she has a real reason to be depressed, and hey, so did the hospital because she got psychiatrist appointments as soon as my mum called them, and when mum called to try and get me one, they said that my suicide attempt wasn’t “serious enough”. Anyway, they always monitor her self harm, and tell me that I have to be careful so I don’t trigger her. I feel as though I am constantly walking on egg shells so she doesn’t skip a meal, or need stitches because she’s cut too deep. And yet, here I am, trying to be strong. Trying to do this on my own because I am paranoid my friends don’t care about me. Trying to get better because I don’t want to be like this anymore.
I know it’s typical to say, but I feel like I am not important to anyone. Everyone somehow believes I will pull through and I will get better. No one asks if I am okay because my sister is in hospital or came to school crying. I just feel alone, you know? Like there’s only room in my family for my sister’s problems and no one else’s. I’m not blaming her for what happened, because I know it was NOT her fault, and I hate that bloody man more than I hate anyone. I’m just a little tired of keeping my sadness to myself.
9 comments
I think it’s actually a positive that your doctors are not jumping at the first chance to dump a bottle of pills down your throat. Too many doctors are over eager to get people taking crazy chemicals and medications and usually it is not needed. You most likely can start to feel better without pills, believe it or not.
Sorry that you feel in competition with your sister but now is as good of a time as any to learn the universal lesson that life is not fair. Your sister went through a few things in life that you did not, and now people see her as a more serious case and may not worry about you quite so much. I’m sure that must feel frustrating but all you can do is try to make your voice heard and let people know that you feel left out and that you could use some attention too. Or instead of competing for attention from the same people, get attention from a different source, let your parents worry about your sister and try to talk to your friends and other people who will listen to you. Here’s a crazy idea, what about telling your sister herself how you feel? Maybe you could ask her that when people are all worried about her, maybe she could throw in a good word for you and remind people that you are sad and you need love too. I don’t know the details of your relationship with her so it’s just an idea, maybe she wouldn’t like the idea of sharing the attention with you.
Try to look on the bright side. If doctors and family tell you that you aren’t so serious, isn’t that a good thing? Poor mental health shouldn’t be a competition. If professionals are telling you that you can get better on your own, be glad! These people are in the business of making money from drug companies by telling their patients that they need this or that medication. I’m sorry if you really insisted, they’d be glad to get you signed up to start taking some strange chemical. But so far they haven’t forced you to do it, so why not try to feel better on your own. Figure out what makes you happy and do it. Eat healthy. Spend time out in nature. Take pictures. Draw. Do whatever you’re in to. Try your absolute best to find some happiness on your own before wishing you had some pills to take.
Typo:
I’m sure* if you really insisted,
This actually opened up my eyes. But no, we don’t have a good relationship. But, on a positive note, it is good that I didn’t get medication, it only means I have better chances of a quicker recovery, I suppose.
Thank you so, so very much!
The pills won’t make you feel any better, they’re just tranquilizers to stop the crazy from walking the streets. Those pills just put you in your own bubble, they isolate your further, make you so sick that you can’t keep food down.
Even if you were prescribed pills, i’d stay well away from them.
i in a sense can empathise with what you said, my mum is very ill and has bipolar and even though i am deppressed ect, i have to be careful not to trigger her and not to make her upsert and nottell her my probl;ems because she cant handle them. if you want to talk futhur about anything you can, email me at kaconstant@hotmail.co.uk if you would liike
Yeah, that’s how I feel. Like my problems aren’t big enough, I suppose.
I’m really sorry about your situation :/
Yeah, I don’t really want them, it’s just that I’m tired of them telling me that it will get better and giving my false hope.
I know how you feel I have the same problem except with my brother some evil man raped him in a Walmart and it’s like me going into a nightmare and just sitting there motionless screaming that’s not as serious as him crying about every problem like his girlfriend dumping him
Sorry if this is a really late reply.
It sucks so much. We have to be strong, I suppose. I think the main thing we have to remember is that our problems DO matter. As much as theirs.