I’ve been a kind of a fixture on SP for several months – some know me – others have never seen me. Some like me, some respect me, others hate me and think I’m full of crap and retarded.
I care about everyone – and I try to be positive and upbeat – strong for those who don’t feel they can take another step. I don’t “want” any of us to be here but that just isn’t realistic. and for many of us, ‘here” is a small piece of flotsam in and angry sea that will eventually but surely take us all … preferably when we’re old and grey … but “today” we grab hold of that little piece of floating debris just to get a moment’s respite.
Today – this evening – for no particular reason and because of no particular action, thought or feeling – i just had the overwhelming, yet warm and calm – almost serene feeling – that if i was to “exit” I’d be absolutely “ok” with that.
Poof – all done – gone … cool
not out of want – or need … that time will come when it comes. but i had a sense of … well – something that i don’t know quite how to explain … but had I departed – i’d have been fine with that – just fine.
not sure what else to say – just one of those moments that i thought some should see an old dawg in a different light
flawed  dawg
6 comments
I get that 100%. It isn’t a need or a want it just “is” and it’s something I think all of us have felt. These days are few and apart but they feel like being trapped. Like those thoughts of the lights going out for good neither scare or worry you they just “are”.
Hi Dawg. Yeah, I think all or most of us have felt that at some point too. I haven’t felt like that in a long while, though. I actually feel ‘okay’ today. I dunno how I’ll feel tomorrow. But I kind of like today. When you felt like that, did your dogs cross your mind?
no – GG – the mutts didn’t enter into the equation at that time – nothing did … no responsibilities, no family nothing – just me an abstract destiny – the end – i think that’s why for a short while it felt “right” and peaceful
i enjoyed it – but it wasn’t reality – reality isn’t that clean or easy
as they used to say on cartoons in the olden days “Ahh, but I can dream, can’t I?”
wishful dawg
Nope, reality isn’t that easy. Dreaming is, and yes, you can do that. At least you had a few moments of peace. If dreaming gives you that, I don’t see the harm in it, as long as you can separate that from reality.
I seek to capture that peace in every moment by accepting whatever life brings me.
Not an easy task in hard times but I have managed to change my level of anxiety towards my situation by a noticeable amount.
This has given me a much more peaceful outlook.
OM shanti
Hey Guardian, my friend – there’s an old geezer saying – “don’t sweat the petty stuff and don’t pet the sweaty stuff”
that said – a person can have everything they need/want but it doesn’t change the fact that they are still besieged by a large hostile force … but at least the threat isn’t imminent so life goes on as usual … but eventually the battle will need to be joined.
watchtower dawg