This is suppose to be over 30 days, but I’ll probably forget about it if I do that, so I’ll do it all now. To be honest, I don’t cut anymore, but I still thought it would be useful to do.
1. How long have you been self harming? Discuss why you started.
On and off for around three years. The first time I started when my brother tried to commit suicide and all the stress from that.
2. What part of your body is most affected by it?
Legs, breasts, back, you know, all the places that are easy to hide the scars
3. What is your motivation to recover?
Being the “old me” again
4. Do you consider yourself “addicted� why or why not?
Nope. It’s not something I do a lot.
5. What part of self harm do you dislike the most?
How stupid I feel about it later
6. What about it do you enjoy?
The relief of stress and emotional pain
7. list 10 activities that help you calm down.
Talking to people I guess. Don’t really do much else
8. What the most supportive thing anyone has said to you about self harm?
“I know how it feels, so I’m not going to stop you, but just remember not to go too far because people love you”
9. Have you ever taken pictures of your wounds? Discuss.
No. I don’t see it as anyone else’s business and therefore do not see the need in keeping “evidence” to be found.
10. How do you feel about your scars?
Loathingness. I shouldn’t of done that to myself.
11. Strangest place (school, park, etc) you’ve ever injured yourself?
Skate park or school
12. Where do you keep your ‘tools’? (Your room, in a box, disposed of them?)
When I use to do it often, I kept them under my clothes, but now I don’t really have tools.
13. What is the biggest realization about self harm you’ve had?
It only gives temporary comfort and leaves life long scars
14. Is there anyone you consider to be an inspiration in your recovery?
A couple of friends
15. Do you visit any websites about self harm? If so, what are they?
Well SP sorta is, but apart from that no
16. What advice would you give to someone about self harm?
Try and find some other way to relieve yourself of the pain and stress
17. Do you know anyone else who injures themselves?
Yes
18. Write a letter to the future (recovered) you.
Dear future me,
What do I have to do to be happy? Do I trust him? I just need answers…
From me.
19. List 5 reasons that recovery is worth it.
The hope of a better future, I see others around me happier, I can prove that I’m not half the things I call myself, I can help others and I don’t have to have more scars
20. What is the most vivid memory you have of self harm.
Most of them are, but I guess the first time when I was cutting at the skate park was the most vivid mainly because I had someone come and stop me and make me realise that it’s okay to do, but there’s always better ways and people who love me.
21. Have you tried to stop in the past? What are you doing differently this time?
I tried numerous times and eventually did. I didn’t really do anything differently, just let my stubborness and determination take over and make me stop.
22. Where do you feel the most calm?
Anywhere with certain people.
23. What is your favorite inspirational quote?
probably that one from Dr Seuss about those who don’t mind matter and vice versa.
24. What are some of your main triggers? Why?
I don’t really have many these days… I guess when flashbacks happen, I’m more likely to self harm, but even then, it usually doesn’t push me over the ledge.
25. Do you know any statistics about self harm?
No.
26. What is something that makes you the most happy?
certain people 🙂
27. Discuss any and all progress you have made.
I’ve gone from doing it at least once a week to not self harming in just under a year.
28. What short-term goals do you have?
None really, just do little things to stop me harming in the long run
29. Do you follow any self-harm blogs?
no
30. Post your favorite picture of yourself and write a positive message to look back on.
I’m not really one for uploading photos, but I guess all I can say is
You’re amazing. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you’ve achieved so much. So many people love and respect you. Go talk to one of them and they will say the same. Heck don’t even ask them, just talk to them until you feel better! Hope you make it through this time because things will get better. You are loved.
CPC
3 comments
i might do this, are you supposed to answer one question everyday?
OH fuck, I did this before in high school. Motherfuckers said I needed to go to a crazy hospital when I handed it in. And I researched where they wanted to put me, it’s literally a crazy hospital. They strap you down everyday and fuck with your head. Try reverse psychology shit. It doesn’t fucking work for most of the patients. Fuck them!
Anyways I might as well do this again since it’s been a while. But I’ll do it in one go. Give me like a half hour.
Alright took me longer than a half hour due to classes but here it is.
1. How long have you been self harming? Discuss why you started.
Since seventh grade. I was empty and the only thing I felt was loneliness and hate. I wanted to feel something else.
2. What part of your body is most affected by it?
Arms, stomach.
3. What is your motivation to recover?
My big brother Kai. (Not blood related)
4. Do you consider yourself “addicted� why or why not?
Sort of. Whenever I get into that certain ‘mood’ I have the urge to do it a lot. Whether it be biting or cutting, I just have to urge to do it.
5. What part of self harm do you dislike the most?
I’m disappointing Niel and Kai…
6. What about it do you enjoy?
Sometimes it’s a thrill and I love seeing the blood.
7. list 10 activities that help you calm down.
Reading
Drawing
Writing
Manga
Anime
Talking to Kai
Taking a walk to somewhere private and quiet
Meditating
8. What the most supportive thing anyone has said to you about self harm?
Don’t seek the pain by hurting yourself because enough people have already hurt you.
9. Have you ever taken pictures of your wounds? Discuss.
I have, I have never shared them. I took them to look back on them.
10. How do you feel about your scars?
Mixed feelings… it could have been deeper, why did I do this…
11. Strangest place (school, park, etc) you’ve ever injured yourself?
On a railroad bridge.
12. Where do you keep your ‘tools’? (Your room, in a box, disposed of them?)
My mouth? Haha, meaning my teeth. Razors… Eh… they’re here and there.
13. What is the biggest realization about self harm you’ve had?
This is what makes Niel and Kai upset.
14. Is there anyone you consider to be an inspiration in your recovery?
My big brother Kai and Niel’s words.
15. Do you visit any websites about self harm? If so, what are they?
I used to. I can’t remember.
16. What advice would you give to someone about self harm?
Sometimes it isn’t worth it.
17. Do you know anyone else who injures themselves?
Not personally.
18. Write a letter to the future (recovered) you.
Dear Clara,
How is it so hard? What are the answers to it all so I can bypass these problems? Was there actually a way for me to see him before he died? Why is Kai missing? Where did he go? I’m asking these questions… I’m so confused. We know this in the future, but damn it I want to know now.
From,
Yourself
19. List 5 reasons that recovery is worth it.
Niel’s words
Kai
My degree
Future Research
20. What is the most vivid memory you have of self harm.
When one day some time ago, I had a whole weekend by myself. I broke down. I had over thought so much and the pressure came crashing down on me. I bit my hands raw, I burned my skin many times, and I cut words all over my stomach.
21. Have you tried to stop in the past? What are you doing differently this time?
Yes. Trying to distract myself.
22. Where do you feel the most calm?
A railroad bridge or talking to Kai.
23. What is your favorite inspirational quote?
I loved only myself, now I love my village. I hated my village, now I love my village. I hated the villagers, now I love the villagers. The village hated me, wanted to kill me, now they respect me and love me as I love them. I will give my life to protect my village, as my village will give its life to protect me.
24. What are some of your main triggers? Why?
Night times, cellos, Haji, some RP groups, my necklaces, and other couples. They all remind me of Niel.
25. Do you know any statistics about self harm?
No.
26. What is something that makes you the most happy?
Listening to something that makes me laugh and forget all my problems.
27. Discuss any and all progress you have made.
My biting has gone down. I don’t bleed as much from it anymore.
28. What short-term goals do you have?
Get rid of my razors.
29. Do you follow any self-harm blogs?
SP Count?
30. Post your favorite picture of yourself and write a positive message to look back on.
No… no… I don’t like looking at myself at all…