sadness

how to end the pain? how to get out of the laberynth of suffering? i think i will feel this way forever. Months pass and i never seem to find happiness in my life. there are days when i don’t cry but im always hurting. I hate myself and i hate all the things that have made me this way. why cant i be a normal 17 year old who is out making memories with her bestfriend or enyoing her teenage years. something blocks me from reaching happiness. i feel numb and i feel like i just want to cry and die and lock myself in a room. I don’t want to keep trying to fix myself. What for? Sadness live inside me and will always find it’s way back to me. I feel like school and family don’t give me the chance to go deeper into this laberinth. But once i am out on my own i will not hesitate to let my depression take over me. I want to end it but then again i have become very used to it by now. I sometimes think i  will never really kill myslef, but the possibility will always be there.