“Where you gonna be tomorrow? How’re you gonna face the sorrow? Where are you gonna be when you die?” -Tomorrow, Nikki Sixx
I was letting music play while I cut and this song came on. I know the song by heart, as well as the other songs on the album. Nikki Sixx is my hero. He’s helped me see that I’m beautiful, scars and all. I feel strong, even though I’ve been cutting. I fell to the ground and slammed my head on the floor. There’s a huge bump and bruise, but that’s my own fault. I shouldn’t have been standing and cutting at the same time.
“As the blood is rushing to my head and from my wrists, I’m in love with all the things I know I should resist.” -Heart Failure, Nikki Sixx
He’s the first guy who has ever made me feel like I belong. When I listen to his music, I find a peace I didn’t know existed. I once told my mother “Nikki Sixx is my savior”, but she said it was sinfull to say that. She doesn’t know that I spend my nights cutting and the only way I stop is listening to “The Heroin Diaries” or “This Is Gonna Hurt”.
“So what if she’s no beauty queen or the captain of the winning team, she’s on the sidelines livin g her own life and having a good time.” -She’s All That, Hollywood Ending
I could give a millon reasons why I love Hollywood Ending. They saved my closest friends. They helped me find girls who have become like sisters to me. Tyler is the best guy I know. He can make me smile no matter how shitty my day has been. I owe him a lot.
“I wanna be a rock star, a super hero, living the dream, doing the things that I’ve always wanted. I wanna see my face on that TV with my picture on the cover, for my friend’s to see a different side of me.” -Different Side Of Me, Allstar Weekend
I love Zach, Cam, and Mikey with all my heart. Without them I wouldn’t have the two girls I know think of as mothers. They both understand me and are willing to help. They’ve shown me it’s okay to be myself.
I’m just kinda trying to keep myself positive tonight because I know I can’t out run anything. It’s all going to be waiting for me tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a better day. And the day after that will be even better. I plan on not letting things get to me as easily and who knows, maybe Michael will help me find the piece of me that wants to be loved again. Maybe tomorrow.
Forever and Always. I love you. Stay Strong.
1 comment
Funny how our saviors come in different ways, huh? You stopped from suiciding because of your love for music, I stopped because of my love for drawing. I just couldn’t stop drawing. I would miss it too much. Everytime my pencil touches a piece of paper, I pour out my heart and thoughts. No matter how crazy others think I am, my drawings give me a sense of relieve, understanding, and removes the burden from my chest.