Do tranquilizers and antidepressants combat constant bad luck occurrences?
As everyone knows that have read my past posts, I have been very depressed and taking antidepressants for quite a few years. For me, suicide has been a security blanket for countless years and has provided somewhat a comfort from some past crappy occurrences that appears to me, to be extremely bad luck. Of course there may be some happenstances that are a result of my poor choices, but I will not admit to that now at this moment. For now it is the cruel cosmos that is to blame for all my unhappiness.
Undesirable things just seem to happen to me and my emotions and mood are driven as result of the last occurrence of bad luck. Just when I think that things are picking up for me and my mood is lifting out of the dumps, something bad happens that ties my stomach up in knots. (And I have a large stomach.  Food has become my best friend.) It seems to be a constant barrage of negative things. Some good things do happen, but they are far outweighed by the bad. I would just love to have only one month where I was very happy all the time and nothing shitty happened to drag me down.
Because I seem to be down most of the time, and have no peer support other than this web-site, and my so called friends have dried up like water in the dessert, I have plenty of time to plan a perfect suicide that will not be “messy†and will not hurt for even a millisecond. I just want to take a dirt Nap, but I want to do it when I am in a good mood and not crying, and with a clear head. In my opinion nothing would be worse than ending it all while I was emotional. I have read a lot of books on suicide (Final Exit is the best in my opinion) and they have opened my eyes as far as what are both good and bad or unreliable ways to go. A bullet to the brain is a bad way to go!!! I definitely will not be going that route.
It is vaguely possible that if I had a woman living with me to bounce my thoughts off, bad things would not seem so GD bad. It is absolutely intolerable trying to handle the feces of life alone. It has been years since I have had a really good laugh and I can’t remember the last time that I LOL. I really miss laughing with friends or even by myself…in a pinch. Nothing seems funny any more.
Pills work to keep me stable when there have been no recent moments of “bad luck;†they help with the minutia of my existence but do not work to smooth out the sudden occurrences that pester my life.
As an example; last month I was driving my 1998 car along at 25 mph in a line of slow moving traffic when the person in front of me slammed on his brakes. I just tapped his back bumper but did not leave a mark on his van. My car only sustained a broken headlight and popped two clips holding my grill on…no big thing. I only had to replace the headlight and put the grill back on the mounting clips. The woman passenger of the person I tapped decided to call the cops…just in case! I should point out that my car had failed the State Emission Inspection because some “flag†had not been set in the computer and had expired. But no problem, I just put my grill on the windshield so the cop could not see the expired sticker. It worked and he did not see the sticker. WOW, some good luck for a change right in the middle of some bad luck. The broken headlight did not bother me in the least and I was not bummed out. The cop sat in his cruiser for about 20 minutes leisurely filling out the accident report…so I thought!! When he got out of his car he handed me a ticket for careless driving. That bastard!!! That ticket cost me $189. NOW I was dragged down and felt like I was back on the bottom of the shit heap again. My pills did not help in the slightest at this time; I was depressed as hell.
BUT, IT GETS WORSE!!! The headlight cost me $164, tax included. But it got even worseorer;  While I was replacing my headlight, I found that when my grill came off, it broke a valve on my air-conditioning system and allowed all my Freon to drain out. They wanted $1000 to repair it. I could not afford that! Plus I had run out of Xanax to lessen the anxiety. My life really sucks.
Short of taking some prescription drugs that would put me in la-la land 24 hours a day and spending all that time in bed, I cannot foresee any relief in sight. Pills only stop me from having long crying jags but do not help with the reactionary emotions of “Bad-Luck; caused by the universe that hates me!!! Boo-Hoo.
Sorry I get so long winded in these posts, but it is therapeutic for me.
Dead Right
1/30/13
1:50 pm.
4 comments
You might want to check out Dr PIllai’s web site. He has “remedies” for karma removal and attracting favorable circumstances in one’s life. Check it out if this appeals to you:
http://www.pillaicenter.com/
Do tranquilizers and antidepressants…….
Dear StartmeUp,
I do not believe in Karma per se, or in any supernatural events. I believe in statisticscs and chance. As a species we cannot change the way that the Universese operates and since there are no supernatural beings, prayers and magic words, or incarnations, have no effect on the mechanics of circumstances. Our daily choices and actions primarily guide the way the Universe seems to treat us. Words can only manipulate the way man thinks.
I was only joking about the Universe hating me. We are a victim of our own choices coupled with the choices of others and the way the two interact wieach-otherher. Sometimes it is difficult for people to know if I am serious or being sarcastic since I joke most of the time. Mankind is a slave of apparecircumstancence.
Take care.
Dead Right
Shit happens – keep it all in context – it’s winter so your AC is not relevant at the moment and the fact that the cop missed the expiration of your emissions sticker is HUGE good fortune because at least now you can still drive the vehicle … i’m surprised, that at your age, you aren’t aware that you automatically own the rear bumper of every vehicle in front of you – and you should ALWAYS err on the side of excessive caution following any moron who jams on the brakes for a garage sale.
You did it – own it – take responsibility for your lapse and be thankful you are able to drive away relatively cheap – you know as well as i do – the “angle” we choose to focus on set’s our general mood – you can mourn and fret the $350 of damage and ticket and worry over how you’ll ever survive the summer rolling down your car window (all that insidious labor – MY GAWD 😉 ) …
… or … you can make a mental note that you made a mistake and didn’t give enough space/stopping distance, and be grateful at how you did NOT get your car towed and no one was injured.
but more to your point on tranq’s and anti D’s – no the have no effect on “luck” but they do calm the stress and irrationality of thoughts regarding the day’s events and may quiet your mind enough to realize – it ain’t all that bad as it seems … and it’s already the past so any worry regarding the event is wasted energy and pointless time spent … and you might dream up a solution as to how to fix your AC cheaper and/or get your new emission sticker for cheap.
don’t sweat the small shit
pun intended dawg 😉
Thanks Dawg,
Just about half an hour before you posted, I posted an explantation of how I really viewed “bad luck and the universe.” My post was in response to “StartmeUp” and instructions to remove bad Karma. The problem is that I joke too much in my posts. That is not to say I dont believe in some bad luck, that is not related to my own choices.
I appear to be very unlucky in playing cards, however someone commented that it was because of the way I played the cards. To test this, I spent three hours just playing 5 card stud with no betting more than a penny or nickel.
During the three hours, I dealt 25% of the time and three other players shared the other 75% of the time.
During the games, I won only 14% of the time and and played over 500 hands. I had no control over the hands dealt and even changed decks three three times. I do not play games of chance unless I have some control and some choices over my own destiny. Based on stastics, at any given time I could experience “bad luck” about 65% of the time but 86% loss over such a long period of time does strike me as being exceptional negative fortune.
That was only a test to prove my point, but that sort of luck seems to follow me around. With that in mind I am careful about “testing” my luck when something is at stake.
As far as my accident goes, it turned out that my new glasses were not made correctly and my depth perception was off considerably. (I also need a catarac operation in my right eye.)
In my other post I made reference to incarnations, I meant to say incantations. (damn spellcheck) I do not believe that prayers or incantations can make physical, material changes to anything. Those utterances can only affect the way we think and the way we may respond to stimuli.
Keep up the good fight Dawg…nice hearing from you!
Dead Right
2/4/13