I loved my brother so much but he won’t come back and it was my fault. Since I was such a kid I was always alone, I hadn’t any friends, what a shame for a kid.. then I grow up and things didn’t change. I have a really big anxiety and I can’t help it, I’m even taking pills but I can’t say a word at school, people laugh of me, they hate me. I feel so much pain. However at least my brother was always with me, by my side…as a real friend. He meant everything to me. 7 months ago he died of cancer, doctors couldn’t save him. I feel guilty because I noticed something wrong inside him, but I didn’t say anything cause I thought I was wrong. When we took him to the hospital it was too late, he died a week later. Now, I cry every day, I have nobody. Since then, I cut myself almost every week, I have depression, I don’t want to go to school and I have even more anxiety. I feel so bad, and I can’t stop of thinking about to kill myself. It was my fault you know? I should be dead and not him. He didn’t deserve it, and I didn’t say a word, I saw him every day worse and worse and I didn’t help him, maybe he would be alive now but he won’t come back anymore. I’m just 15 but I feel so guilty and I really want to die, should I kill myself? I think I’m going to.
2 comments
You cant change what has happened.and it is not your fault that your brother was sick to the death,i know it would have mattered if you had said something,but dont you,but thats the past.and i know if your brother was alive he wouldnt ve wntd 2 c you this way.
Hey december.rose,
What happened to you and your family is so sad, and seems so unfair. I’m sure your brother was a very special friend and brother to you. I can only imagine what you have gone through, for you to be so brave to comment on here and be honest and open with how you are feeling is truely inspirational. I want you to know that although what your brother went through was awful, it was NOT your fault, you are so young, how were you to know it was cancer? You can spend your whole life blaming yourself for what happened but it wont bring your brother back. I’m sure that is what you want most. It’s okay to grieve, and to be sad, but your brother would want you to live for the both of you, there is so much more and with time the pain will be more bearable. I hope you find some peace in your life.. I will be praying for you. Much love x