my mom is always hating me everything i do is wrong  no matter if i do something good she only sees bad my sisters call me and emo fag and a attention whore i want to die so bad i cut every day each day to go on living is a struggle i gave up hope along time ago i cant even remember last time i was happy or i didnt have a forced smiled my dad and my best friend are the only ones who care but when they ask whats wrong i either say im just tired or nothings wrong im fine im lying to but only to protect them
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That’s what I always used to say too “I’m just tired” and I really am tired.
im always tired but its the excuse i tell them
Lying to protect others becomes habit…smiling to hide the pain is all I know also…true humor comes from a dark place we keep to ourselves and that’s why I am the funniest person I know…fake it long enough and eventually you live a hollow life where you even lie to yourself to keep going…
im very good at hiding my depression
I’m sorry, but your family are assholes that you need to ignore (with the exception of your dad of course). If he wants to help you, maybe you should let him. Instead of lying completely, just tone down your thoughts a bit, like you would for a doctor so you didn’t get hospitalized, except you know he actually cares and isn’t just doing his job. Maybe he’ll be able to comfort you, I’d say it’s worth a shot, because if you want to protect him, delaying help until you’re so hurt ypu kill yourself won’t do it. That will cause him more pain from sadness than being worried about you will.
maybe idk but he has enough problems dealing with my mom
The worrying doesn’t stop just because you tell them about your issues. I’ve been there. It just gives them a focus to concentrate on and sometimes makes it worse. I’ve been down that road and I am now a true believer of what they don’t know won’t hurt them. You say its better than bottling up till you terminate yourself …I say they have no problems with you till you do then a period of sadness when you do and they get over it. Net sadness on them is shorter when you just stfu.
Hiding your depression is an impossible way to live. You will crack at some point, and that point will be so explosive that they will hospitalize you for it. The best way to avoid hospitalization is to make sure it doesn’t get that bad. The way to stop it from getting that bad is to discuss it with trusted people.
If you have someone you can talk to, you should. Mark my words, wearing a mask will eat you alive.