I haven’t been on this site for a few years. I was on it then because I was really suicidal, I worked through it that time and now it’s back with a vengeance. The last two years have been the worst two years. I’ve been waiting for it to get better but it doesn’t seem to be. My story’s about loss I guess. I’m a real survivor, I ve lived through sexual assault, violence, drug addiction. I’ve come out the other side on a couple of ocassions. I had 7 years off drugs and alcohol & 3 years but I’ve had these relapses and they’ve […]
No need for ending. There is none. Think wide. Don’t think. And suffer. Concentrate on tiny things, and then on big things, and then again, again, again, (don’t read this…pointless writing sorry)
I don’t really see a point in this whole life thing. You wake up, do your daily routine, something happens that kills you inside, you go home and cry, then you fall asleep. At least, that’s how it is in my book. I remember when I used to be happy. When I could go outside and play with the other kids in the neighborhood. When I could put on my mothers clothes and tell her I was going to be just like her. What happened? I went from that, to being so sensitive to everything that happens in my life. And it sucks because I […]
This feeling of numbness takes over,
Emotions no longer exist,
No happy, no sad, no scared and no mad,
And the numbness I cannot resist.
It follows me around like a shadow,
It’s dark and gloomy and dull,
Like a storm cloud hovering over my head,
And the huge world around me makes me feel small.
Living is a struggle that cannot be compared,
And everyday things are complex,
But I manage to get around and do things I love,
Though to do them are difficult projects.
Day by day and night by night,
The numbness never leaves,
Depression is hard and it weighs me […]
Today was hard. I had to face some old ghosts and demons from my past that have always left me trembling and screaming. I couldn’t help but wonder why I try. I try… because it’s expected of me. I do what I’m expected too. I’m a good girl. Today was hard. Much, much harder than it should have been. Why does giving up seem so easy, so doable, andÂ continuing on is so very, very hard? Shouldn’t life be the opposite of that scenario? I know, at times, it is good to struggle, to build character and all that hog wash crap; but when my […]
I think an important question to ask yourself is, if everything in your life was normal and “going well”, would I still be depressed? When I mean going well, I mean to an outsider your life would seem normal and to the people who are in your family you’d appear normal. It’s something to think about because if you say no to that question, I think it is more about trying to get every ounce of your strength to change your life around. whether your answer is yes, no, or even in between, life will always be a struggle and everyone will have different struggles. […]
I am a 20 year old female attending university within my home town. I honestly feel lost within my own life. I am a waste of space. I do not know how to cook, terrible at cleaning, and struggle to manage a workload in school that others would find easy. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder. I was never social as a child; I can’t go up to someone and start a conversation. I had a happy childhood, up to a point. Our home has come under disrepair within the past decade or so. I love my parents, at least I […]
When a person is born … what is the purpose behind that birth??? What is the purpose behind mine???? Am I just born to nearly get everything one can want and have it snatched away from me in a second??? being born with calcium deficiency and convulsions… since then it has always been a struggle… I would have died then and there but mom sells her assets to save me… but for what ??? to torture me when i grow up… to prove that i am a mistake in her life… when i din’t have an issue with her marriage… why the sudden change from […]
I guess this group isn’t much for me. I see a lot of suicidal people on here and I get angry. I thought there would be more stories of triumph and survival. Or how being here after a loved one suicided has made you stronger. This should be something of support. Why doesn’t anyone want that? I read some of these posts and I wonder why they say the things they do. A cry for help? What kind of immediate help can they get on here where we don’t know a thing about them or their struggle. Is it just to re-traumatize those who have […]
I promisedÂ myselfÂ I would kill myself before I finish high school (I’m in 9th grade) but I keep onÂ postponing it…sometimes I wish I had enough courage to do it but I don’t want to die alone…I hate it when someone asks me why I want to kill myself… I can’t describe my feelings with words someone would have to feel what I feel to understand…everyday is aÂ struggle to keep myself together , sometimes I feel so alone and unwanted…everyday I wake up I just want to crawl in a hole and die…
I also feel so stressed out when I go to school and it doesn’t make […]
My own feeling is mostly unclear.
I contemplate everything with the clearest mind yet I can’t figure out what it is that triggers these thoughts. I have no reasons as to why I believe that the grass is greener on the other side of the ground for me. I have no tragedy’s to face, no pain to feel and no place to be. So why do I feel this way? Why do I always feel plagued with just stopping it? I look at life for what it is. I look at death and see it for what its deemed. I contemplate both with the clearest of […]
We are all created to make our own decisions whether to allow or not ourselves to experience loneliness, anger and despair.
I have always easily pondered on my pain (physical and emotional). I am human so I will always regress but I also know the truth- that I am important, you are important. Even though I do not know any of you who visit these boards, I love you and want you to know that your life, your existence is very important. I have struggled with losing family, people I knew in nursing homes and through documentaries of those in Hospice. You may not know or […]
People say it’s life, and that whatever life throws at you, take it with ease. But then, they freak out when things do not go their way. I’m refering to my mum here, and others I have known, do the exact same thing, and it bothers me to no end. I mean, I’m not perfect, not perfect at all, but when life throws me curve balls, I try to take it. I won’t always say that I do well, but I try.
Another thing I’d like to mention is love and relationships here. I have seen the way my mum and dad treat each other. […]
ItÂ´s my birthday and IÂ´m just finding it hard enough not to do something my Family would call damn stupid. ItÂ´s a struggle not to slash my wrists with the piece of jagged glass I keep on my Person. Or to jump of the roof. I feel disgusted with my self when I think about poor Kids starving and People dieing because they canÂ´t help it. It feels like I am letting them down when my Troubles seem so small. But at some Point in life I stopped seeing the goodness and Beauty of each day. Sometime, I think IÂ´m going crazy because I hear […]
I have been through a lot but mainly it’s been all in my head but I’m proud that I’m here still, alive and fighting! Each day is a struggle but there are moments in each day that I am thankful to have been their to experience it. Hope is that glimmer of light in the dark tunnel, that peace of mind that you get once in a while and most importantly “tomorrow”. I’ve cried myself to sleep most nights and I’ve even had no sleep once but through it all I was just happy to be alive. Pain is a good thing because it means […]
I know you feel alone
In this place we are forced for years on years to call home
When I hit earth I entered hells dome
It is a scary place we all have to Roam
So I decided to write you poem
About thisâ€¦ the wonderful place we call home
A place where it rains
Where thereâ€™s nothing to gain
So we try an maintain
A bad life we restrain
We work hard all day
To get to that place
Where we wither away
Then suffer in pain
We get to that point
Where we wanna give up
Because during the day
So, I have been planning on suicide on the 3rd next month. People are telling me not too but, I literally can’t take the pain anymore. I cut last night and I was clean for more than 3 months! But, anyways here’s my pointless story..
So, Last year. ‘8-3-12’ I kinda thought I was in love.
About a couple months into our relationship it was getting a little depressed.
The guy, Jt, told me he loved me everything and then a couple days later,
He just left me and told me everything was getting taken away from him,
his phone,ps3, home phone, etc.
So, I said […]
hiiya, my name is *insert worst name in the world here*. i am 14 years young. i hate violence and the world. i do not understand why poeple are so mean all the time. im blonde. i have blue eyes. some of my friends call me dimples cause i have really big dimples. i cut. im sorry. i try my best tocover them up. and it works. i couldnt care any less about being popular. im to worried about music. im in love with nevershoutnever and my chemical romance. ilike fallout boy and panic! at the disco to. i have to buy new head phones […]
The worst fear in my life is not that i will lead a lonely life but that the loneliness will drive me insane.
Even when I am in the midst of a huge crowd, a familiar crowd of friends and relatives, that feeling of loneliness creeps in and sometimes pushes me into that unholy pool of madness… where the first impulse is to hide from everyone, the second is a strong desire to run away from everythingÂ and everyone,and then i get caught up in a feeling of despair… at how helpless and useless i am and then the doubts about why i am here to […]
I’m tired of such hypocrites and judgmental individuals. I have made mistakes in my life, I’ve done some screwed up shit. But guess what? SO HAVE YOU. There’s no reason to act as if you are a saint. It’s ridiculous.
I’m tired of drama. No one cares about your life. That’s oneÂ concept thatÂ nearly ALL of humanity cannot seem to grasp. The only reason they would care about or even acknowledge your life is if there were DRAMA. Doesn’t that kind of seem like a freak show? Like the audience (humans around you) are enjoying watching you struggle with some obstacle or watching you completely fuck your […]