I dont know where to start.Everyday , before I sleep , I pray to God to take my life.I don wanna live anymore.I want to start with my father.He doesnt care about me , He didnt care about me till today ,btw I am 23.He only thinks money.He gave me little money even he can afford much.For example,in November , I wanted to him to buy me boots because mines were old(I was using them for 5 years).He said ok , and we went to shopping.After we bought them he abused at me hurl.Why does a dad do something like that to his son although he had lots of money.He only boasted about me with my success to show that he is a good father.I hate that.And he tried to cheat my mom many times.I think he is still trying to find another ways to cheat her.My mom cared about me , she did a lot things but lately she doesnt care about me she only cares about her facebook friends.And also she doesnt do any houseworks.She says she will break up with dad she only stands her for me and my brother.After we finished our schools , she will divorce.My brother , I dont even exist for him.He is 19.I did lots of things for him before.While my mum and dad was working I took care of him , I fed him , I followed him at school.But now what I have ? Nothing.He abuses at me hurl everytime.Everything that I did before , was for nothing. I realized that I am not important for them.And my friends ?I am a shy guy.I doesnt have a girlfriend , I didnt have also.I wish I had a girlfriend that I can share my problems.I have friends but I didnt tell them about these stuff.I am pretending like I am happy.I am not.I dont wanna make them bored with my problems.They have own problems already.I’ve read a post , an 15 year old boy said that If he had an opportunity to give my life to the sick people who want to live , he will.I think the same way.I dont deserve anything , anyone.When I want to achive anything , it goes worser and worser.Only thing that I am succesfull are my lectures.So , why would I live ? For what ? For who? I admit that I dont have enough courage to suicide.But I want to try.I want to try to cut or drugs.I am tired of unfair of life.Even while I am breathing , I feel like I steal oxygens of other people who want to live.Thats it.Thanks for reading.I hope I will be dead soon , no matter the way.
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2 comments
I feel you, I also pray for my life to be taken, but I also pray that I can help the sick, and we can, we can die from ourselves, and live for others, That is m only string of hope I have left… For the sad and oppressed, for the animals and povertized… We can live for those that matter, I am your friend alright, you can tell me your problems and I’ll tell you mine morenomari1@yahoo.com, we can help each other and live for something worthy
It’s not your fault that people are assholes, if you find a way to stand up then it might get harder… but you’ll know what they are up to and it won’t hurt that much.
I understand that of not speaking this themes with friends, it feels like you are charging them and get to nothing but get them confused and you end up frustrated so that’s why we end here, feeling like meaningless and maybe not brave enough to finish our lifes and give what we don’t need to the ones who does… like organs.