This week has been hell. My mental state is near breakdown. He fucked with my head this week. Too long to discuss here and I would bore you all, but he genuinely fucked with my mind this week. Possibly the worst breakup story in history and my already fragile mind and soul was NOT ready to accept this. Getting over him will be hell, my heart is 500 times stronger than my mind right now and I just want to rip it out.
But what scares me the most, and this is probably going to sound stupid, is being single.
I haven’t been single for 5 years. Not long compared to most but considering I started dating him in junior year of high school, it’s been a long time to be “out of the game”. I always had him to depend on. I could always call him, hold him, tell him my stories. He’s been there for me for 5 years. when your that dependant on someone for so long you get attached.
I don’t want to be alone.
what if I never find anyone else?
what if I’m alone for the rest of my life just knowing I wasn’t good enough for my true love?
What if I spent so much time with him I missed the opportunity to be with the one? if he’s not already it.
oh god I can’t do this. the fear of being alone, the fear of being single is the biggest fear of all. I need him. I hate to admit it but I am dependant on him.
Sorry for the long rant. Please help me here I don’t want to be single forever. I don’t want to be 60 and wake up knowing I lost him and never found anyone else? I wish I could just die.
10 comments
Aw honey! 🙁 I’m so sorry you have to go through this pain, but I can relate to how you’re feeling. I was very attached to my “best friend” and I always depended on her. I have an abandonment trauma so just thinking about being alone terrifies me. About a month ago, she decided to drop me as a friend and that’s when I found out all the horrible things she’s been doing behind my back and still pretending to be my “best friend.” I was alone, afraid, depressed, and I even tried committing suicide. I had no more will to live. The next few days were hard, but I finally realized that what happened, was for the best. I would have continued to be used, and brought down to her filthy standards if I continued to be friends with her, which is why it’s better for me to have ditched her. Enough about me, this is about you, I was rambling on and on xD anyways, I wanted to share my experience with you so you can feel better 🙂 I know this post won’t cheer you up, but believe me, it does get better. I went from being the most depressed person, to the happiest, in just a short span of 1 month. I know it’s extremely hard right now and I know that no matter what I say, you can’t picture yourself being “happy and single” in the future, but hey, I’ve been single for 17 years (I’m 17) it’s not that bad xD trust me, things will get better 🙂 I’m sure you’ll find your perfect guy soon and realize that life has it’s wonderful moments. I hope you feel better! Eat some chocolate, they contain serotonin, which is the chemical that makes you feel good, and try going to sleep earlier today 🙂 In a few weeks, you’ll be back to your normal self again. Best of luck <3
thank you, I know I try and keep telling myself that.. I hope get better I just don’t see it. I can’t stop thinking about what we did together over the years and ugh I truly thought we would be together forever. I guess I’m just stupid. I keep thinking I would rather have him and our dysfunctional relationship than know I don’t have him and won’t ever have him again. Im so afraid of not having him. I can’t stand the thought of that. but I guess ill have to.
We’re girls, we constantly overthink things and replay joyful memories that now bring us pain. Don’t rush your feelings. Right now, time is your only medicine. And no, you’re not stupid. Even now I still think about the memories I had with my ex-best friend, but I think to myself that the way my life is now, is far better off than it was before. What I do to get my mind off things, is I watch dramas (preferably Asian dramas: Korean, Taiwanese and Japanese). They’re entertaining and pretty good in my opinion 😀 Believe me, one day you’re going to wake up and think “oh wow, what was I thinking?” and all the pain is going to go away. Try not to think too much, but for today, just cry it out. Cry out all the pain and tomorrow, try starting a new hobby or get into a new pastime to keep you occupied 🙂 Hope you feel better <3
*hugs* I’m so sorry you’re hurting like this. There ARE other guys out there for you. The world is big and there are lots of guys out there you’d be compatible with, and not all of them are assholes, even 🙂
The thing that really sucks is that it might take longer than you think you can stand. I would say don’t put yourself on a schedule, just take it day by day. If you can find things that you like to do for YOU (hobbies? things you never pursued or tried because you were busy with him?) that will help. And spending time with friends — especially single friends — will help.
Hang in there, we’re rooting for you <3
this sounds stupid as well but I don’t have friends. I was with him for so long I lost contact with my friends. I tried calling them the other day but no response from every person I tried. how should I go about meeting people? I’m 22 but I don’t drink much or go out. I know I need to get out there and get my mind off him I don’t know how to start.. thanks for the help I’m truly so alone right now I don’t have anyone but the people on this forum:(
I too went through this feeling of loneliness when I lost my “best friend.” I felt like I had no other friends, but you’d be surprised as to who your real friends are. The people you’ve probably put on the sidelines, the ones that still remained are your real ones. Try messaging some people on Facebook (if you have one) and see who’s still around. If not, I’d say try joining a club or take a class to meet new people 🙂 People who share the same interests turn out to be great friends 😀 well most of them…anywho, again, try joining a class that you’re interested in. For example, if you like to draw/paint, take some art classes, you’re guaranteed to meet new friends 🙂 And hey, you’ve made two new friends on this site already! 😀 My name’s Giovanna by the way, but you can call me Gio 🙂
Hmm, hopefully some of those friends come around. It’s not uncommon for people to get wrapped up in a romantic relationship and find their friendships pushed to the back burner… unless you really burned some bridges I hope at least one of them responds to you. I’m not the greatest at making friends either but just being friendly to people in general at work/school/wherever you spend the most time can lead to invitations from people you have stuff in common with. I made a new friend recently just by saying yes to a lunch invitation and found we had lots of stuff in common, and it actually wasn’t even a pity invite like I had assumed at first 😀 But if that’s not feasible… I find online friends just as helpful if not MORE helpful (seems like you can be more honest on the internet with people not in your “real life”). Posting here and other places like this for support can help. Are you close to your family at all?
There’s no such thing as “the one”. Most of humanity would be screwed if there was only one person who was right for them. The odds of even finding that person in 7 billion is near impossible with people being on different continents and all. “The one” is just a romanticized and highly illogical view of love seen only in TV shows and movies. Don’t buy into it.
You will find someone else, being single isn’t the end of the world, and you already have more relationship practice than at least half of the population. Get yourself straight again, heal, and when you no longer feel like you need him, go hit the dating field again. Trying to fill the hole he left right after a breakup is a recipe for disaster. Don’t do it.
I am sorry for your pain….
And I can not agree with letmesleep. I do believe there is one person for everyone. BUT – part of that is that both people have grown enough to allow themselves to look past all the irritating things that the other person does and love them regardless. As well as try to stop doing their own irritating things….. for the joy of the other.
Basically, when you AND the other person is willing to give more than you receive – then a relation can and will last a lifetime.
I hope you find yours soon.
I wasn’t suggesting that deep relationships aren’t possible, I’m stating that the idea that there’s only one person on the globe that could be compatible with you is asinine. How would you even know you’d found that person? Do you just eyeball it and say “yup, that’s the one?” Of course people would be depressed if they held such a stupid view. The odds of finding “the one” would be, as I said, near impossible. What you just said had almost nothing to do with what I said, yet you’re disagreeing with it. That makes no sense.
What you’re describing is the idiom “there’s someone for everyone” which I actually agree with. I believe everyone can find love if they are willing to put in the effort. What I was saying is false is the idea that there is ONLY one for everyone. I’m suggesting there are lots of people who you could share that deep and completely special connection with.