de·serve
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Verb
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Synonyms
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How I hate this word – let me count the ways …
Ok – no, I’m not going to count the ways – but I hate hate hate this word – because it is so so misused. (Especially around here on SP)
The general use of this word has been utterly corrupted to become synonymous to “i am OWED something” as in some sense of entitlement – like you’ve supposedly done something SOOO special that everyone should bow down and worship at your feet and bequeath you with adoration, shower you with riches and golden trinkets – medals, awards, proclamations and ticker tape parades.
“Hoooray For Joe/Joan … he/she did that earth shattering, world changing thing – he/she deserves to be praised!”
The reality is – we sometimes spend weeks, months and even years doing something one way that gives people a negative image of us and then when the one time or maybe two times we do that thing in a way that they should view as positive, we get rebuked and we cry how we deserve to have been treated better – positively. And if the one or two times we did the positive thing were the only times we did it – we WOULD get treated better … but we can’t reasonably expect that that we’d get that same treatment after repeatedly doing it negatively.
Why is that? I mean we changed, right? don’t we now deserve being rewarded?
No – because it was always expected that you should have done the right thing all along – and you created an environment of negativity by being defiant for so long that people are now simply relieved that you finally did it the right way once or twice so while you might EARN the gratitude, there’s still a deep rooted skepticism that you will revert back to your former ways of negatively doing that action.
But none of that really matter – what DOES matter is your expectation of what is or should be “deserved” – look, everyone wants to be happy, healthy and secure millionaire – but none of that is handed to anyone no matter what they’ve endured in the past. Some get better breaks to start with than others – some come from wealth and security, others come from shattered abusiveness … but neither … and all in between … are deserved or are owed anything – to “deserve” is an academic concept – what SHOULD happen in the ideal and orderly world on paper. but reality is different – it’s not a book or a ledger where score is being kept, everything is in degrees and shades in the real world.
So what do we “deserve”? whatever we choose to reward ourselves that we can realistically provide – but whatever the reward is – it can ONLY be what we, as the controlling individual, can provide within our scope and capacity for influence and resources.
My grandfather always told me “Pay yourself first” … i always thought it silly … now i’ve come to realize it’s fundamental – if you think you “deserve” something – put yourself in a position to give it to yourself … and then allow yourself to have it.
Nothing in life is free … and no one is going to do anything for you. At the same time, no one “deserves” to be perpetually punished – go do the right thing – and let being right be enough of a reward, and if you make a mistake, let the recognition of the fact that you’ve identified it AS a mistake be enough of a reward/punishment and do better/differently next time.
That is what you “deserve” – no more, no less – you simply deserve to learn and grow
realist dawg
22 comments
Of all the words in the lexicon you’ve got a problem with ‘deserve’?
Ok, you’ve put forward a very convincing argument. I accept your reasoning. The word ‘deserve’ goes into room 101.
We should also delete the word ‘loneliness’ and all it’s synonyms from English language. You’d then get people on here trying to describe a feeling for which there is no definition. Imagine them sat staring at the screen searching for that unspecific word that encapsulated all their emotions only to find it no longer exists. Unable to communicate this people would be driven to conclude that they weren’t lonely at all, but inarticulate.
Please reference the beginning of my rant where i specify:
“… because it is so so misused.”
I don’t call for its outright banishment
😉
definition dawg 😛
PS – I have many problems with many other uses of many other words – i’m currently in a debate on another forum over the particulars of the word “faith” – but this one is most relevant here in this forum
Well said.
I hate when people say things like “everyone deserves to be happy” — that makes it meaningless. They don’t get that I’m not trying to make myself ~special~ by distinguishing myself from “everyone.” I think some people deserve it more than others. That doesn’t change the fact that some “bad” people make out really well in this life while other “good” ones struggle and suffer. (to be black & white about it) What people do or do not deserve doesn’t make a damn bit of difference in the grand scheme of things, really.
@SadBK – My point exactly … additionally, good wholesome folks in the very pit of poverty can (and many times do) find and enjoy great happiness while the most wealthy and unscrupulous person who has everything can suffer immensely and all the wealth does nothing to fix it … it’s all about what we – within ourselves – allow ourselves
Old geezer saying: “Wish in one hand and shit in the other – see which one fills up first” 😛
It’s wasted energy to dwell on things that ain’t gonna happen
efficiency dawg
i hate this world too gonna leave next year
I have no “hatred” for the world – I have no time or energy to waste on hate – it’s pointless and draining – nothing good comes from hate
choice dawg
Essentially, If I say I deserve a beer, the mere act of walking up to the bar, ordering one and paying for it entitles me to deserve it.
I did earn money to pay for it, I walked that long distance from where I was originally seated, encountering drunks, various obstacles including furniture and went to all that trouble to purchase this drink. When I think about it, the more I drink, the more empowerment I feel. I have acheived that which I was entitled.
I’m now going to say to the people sat on another table ‘I deserve this beer don’t you dare look at it with envy, turn away and let me deserve my drink in peace’.
They can take away my self worth, but they can’t take my beer. I deserve it!
The act of buying a beer is transactional – same with working for a wage – you’ve bartered with your employer on what your work is worth and with the bartender as to how much you will pay for the beer – so in short – you EARNED your money and you BOUGHT your beer … me personally, i would not waste time attempting to “deserve” my bought and paid for beer at the table – i’d be too busy ENJOYING it’s chilly cool thirst-quenching goodness without a care in the world as to what others thought about me 😉
self-worth is self imposed – others can’t “take” that from you 😛
brewer dawg
i like beer
Hypothetically, pleased with my purchase I turn to walk back. I see out of the corner of my eye a brunette wearing a revealing low cut top. This distracts me momentarily causing my glass to fall. I am devastated. I then take out my mobile phone and ask a suicide forum whether I deserved this or whether it was simply an unfortunate error.
Theres a saying that you make your own luck. Can the same always be said for bad luck. Where do you make the distinction. The people on here write about very traumatic events that have occured in their past. To what extent can a person say, I didn’t deserve that without it being regarded as an exaggerated belief that their are entitled to condolence.
Sympathy does not really take us any further. If that’s the basis for saying, there is no use in claiming to deserve circumstances that would give rise to a better life then on what basis should it acceptable.
“This distracts me momentarily causing my glass to fall. I am devastated. I then take out my mobile phone and ask a suicide forum whether I deserved this or whether it was simply an unfortunate error.”
Your “devastation” is an overreaction to the misfortune of losing a $3 beer … and what’s more unfortunate is that the dropped beer probably got Miss Lowcutt’s attention and instead of taking the opportunity to engage the enigmatically attractive woman, you further compounded your misfortune. 😛
But yeah – I was watching that seen … after i got done laughing at your clumsy ass, I’d say “you deserved it ya clutz” 😛
Recovering from that earlier mishap, I am now well and truly in a world of my own. I compensated for that earlier loss with a triple brandy and coke. People must think I’m texting a hot babe, little do they know I’m on a suicide site asking what I did to deserve this.
The night is coming to an end. It’s time for me to leave. On my way home I get punched in the face for no apparent reason and someone steals my wallet. There’s only £11.63 in there. Hehehe. Anyway, I get my ass kicked yet again.
I drank too much
I walked where there was very little street lighting
I chose to walk alone
I put myself in a situation where it was foreseeable
I should have learnt my lesson given the number of times I’ve had my ass kicked
Am I allowed to say, I deserve to not get my ass kicked and robbed of my worldly possessions? Isn’t it a basic right for humans to walk freely without being threatened, beaten up and robbed?
It was unfortunate, I was unlucky, I should have known better but am I wrong to assume I deserve more than that?
You “deserve” what you put yourself in a position to reap – being foolish and expecting brilliance has nothing to do with what you “deserve” – it just shows you lack good sense. what more did you think you “deserved” to also be shot stabbed and raped? or despite your lack of common sense – YOU – above and beyond anyone else in the exact same position at the same time – should have been somehow miraculously been granted a free pass?
clearly you are trying to make some good logic for the proper use of the word – and there’s plenty of proper uses for it – otherwise it wouldn’t be a word now would it?
the point of my post is that too many people use the word in the sense that – they were simply born and for that they are somehow owed every thing while doing nothing – you want something delivered? order a pizza
equal opportunity mugger dawg
Following the incident, it transpired that the injury was far worse than was apparent. I was taken by ambulance to the accident and emergency unit.
They ran some tests and found that my brain took the appearance of a pickled onion. No one knew how to treat this so they flew in Doctor Nick Riviera from Springfield Hospital to perform brain surgery. He told me I had nothing to worry about, he had performed this procedure many times on his cat.
Thankfully, I was able to access the Internet from my bedside so I was able to continue this very interesting discussion on the semantics of the word ‘deserve’
It was suggested that I don’t have the right to claim that I deserve as of right to not be in this predicament when it could have so easily been somebody else. If they had taken my place I would now be passed out under a tree somewhere completely oblivious. Their plight would not have entered my thoughts. So, what gives me the right?
Well, one is a real and factual set of circumstances, the other is hypothetical. The fact that it happened. It’s like the universe asking itself whether it deserves to exist.
Err, I have to go. Im about to have brain surgery.
Wish me luck, whether I deserve it or not.
You’ve gone off the deep end – perhaps due to your unfortunate brain injury that you clumsily put yourself in the position to receive … despite the truth that you should have cause to expect in an ideal world that you should be able to drag your drunken irresponsible ass to your flat to sleep off your bender … the cold difficult reality is different – and unfortunately you were “lucky” enough to have this experience … you are free have your hissy fit pity party about how you deserve this or that – but it’s as useful an exercise as wishing for the cow to jump over the moon or finding a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow … yes – without doubt, you have that right – of that there is no question, however that does not ENTITLE you to my sympathy
good luck with the surgery … perhaps they’ll tighten that screw while their in there 😉
dr. dawg md
PS – I suggest you get transferred to General Hospital in Port Charles … the nurses are WAYY hotter and there’s rumors they’re frisky
Im not disagreeing with you. I’m just a very stubborn individual with nothing to fulfil my empty life except booze and discussions on suicide sites. If you think about something long enough, it becomes incomprehensible.
I’ve never felt sorry for myself. I prefer things as they are because I understand it could be no other way.
Peoples emotions always take over. If I posted about how depressed I was from my yacht or Lamborghini it’s in would enter the most reasonable, rational minds on this site, ‘he doesn’t deserve to be here’
“If I posted about how depressed I was from my yacht or Lamborghini it’s in would enter the most reasonable, rational minds on this site, ‘he doesn’t deserve to be here’”
For starter – since I’m not on your yacht etc, i have no right to judge where you should or should not be – although being advantaged does open doors and provide opportunities the less fortunate have available to them.
People who are making snap judgement are not people you’d really want to take advice from or take seriously in the first place since they tend to be jealous or animosity for past experiences.
Not feeling sorry for yourself is always good – and just because you’ve always understood something to be a certain way, does not mean it must ALWAYS remain that way – notice my statement if looking forward, and is not concerned as much with the past
“I always walk to work – I hate walking – it make my knees hurt”
OPtions:
Stay the same – keep walking and be miserable in acceptance
Buy a bike and ride
get a car and drive – although i understand you have a lambo 😉
only one keeps your future the same as the past -the cool thing is on any day you can make the decision to choose a different option – or even choose to use all 3 … this is similar for your fulfillment – you can either dwell on the emptiness or choose to occupy it with something – anything … of course some things have positive effect and negative things will exacerbate negatively – but those choices are always yours to make – it has no practical effect on MY life what you choose.
dawg
Unfortunately, I’m not on my yacht either. I’m still working on.
I’m indifferent. I don’t mind how things are or how they turn out. All anyone can do is make the best of what they have and hope for the best.
You can’t really categorise people but it happens on here a lot.
Ultimately, we end up contradicting ourselves searching for answers that never existed. There are no right or wrong answer to some of lifes questions. Hopefully the aliens will be able to help us when they take over.
“Hopefully the aliens will be able to help us when they take over.”
They should since they made us and all … or they can just create another “flood” again and wipe us out 😛
ET dawg
And once again, a very thoughtful discussion is reduced to transaction involving alcohol
@ one_day
These discussions tend to mess up my karma. Whilst in the hospital the doctor was meant to encounter an ethical dilemma as to whether I deserved treatment and to eventually introduce the things people post about would be a pretty low blow. I’m just too wasted and don’t have strong feelings on any topic anymore. That’s what alcohol is for. I don’t have to think for myself, I don’t have to think at all.