Just something I wrote.

I roll to my other side to be greeted by an empty bed once more. The imprint of your body still engrave in the mattress. The smell of your cologne and stale cigarette smoke, from long sleepless nights, still lingers in the air. A bottle of cheap liqueur solitarily stands on that old mahogany dresser. Clothes strewn across the room from lust filled endeavours, fueled by the cheap elixir of love. The shattered remains of our love lays in pieces on the floor, alongside the broken china. I lay here an wonder what it was all for?

I somehow manage to drag myself from our un-matriomonial bed and put on something that seems clean. I gaze down at my watch to try and grab some concept of time. My watch, however, has stopped. My life permanently left at just gone two. Time stopped the moment you walked out that door. One hand in your pocket and a jacket draped over your shoulder. You couldn’t even look me in the eye when you said you’d be back in an hour. I wonder was she worth it though? Was the cheap thrill of having something you knew you shouldn’t too hard to resist? You said it was purely lust driven sex but was the love we, as I thought shared not enough? I grew up believing that the greatest goal anyone can achieve in life is finding their one true love. I grew up deluded.

Everything I look at reminds me, not only of you, but of us. Of the person I became because of you. You took me in my innocence and made me believe in life’s cruelest of lies, love. My mind is bombarded with memories, good, bad and sometimes a little insane. Those nights where you would hold me so close, I could feel your gentle heart beating against my cheek. Or the times where we would get so drunk, we’d stay up all night laughing at life. What happened to us? You showed me the real side of life. I think you called it ‘living’? You showed me true wonder and gave me hope. As cliche and as it is, you were and still are my reason for breathing. My life didn’t begin till I met you but you walked as as easily as you walked in an that’s something I can’t cope with.

You found flaws in the walls I built to protect myself from people like you. You chipped and you chipped until you broke it down. Leaving me vulnerable to your magic but now to the rest of the world as well. I wonder what time it is. Or day. Or date. Or month. I wonder where you might be. Which mistress has your heart tonight. I wonder if maybe I became as cruel and vindictive like the whores you choose, would you rekindle your flame, your burning desire, your passion?

Sauntering over to the thick, heavy drapes. I slowly but cautiously pull them apart. Revealing the outside world, a sight I haven’t seen in a long time. Judging by the amount of light ascending into dark, I can hazard a guess and presume it’s nearing 6a.m. The feeling of natural light and the lightness of the fresh oxygen flooding through the window is a feeling that’s become quite alien to me. It’s a drastic change from those Eco-saving light bulbs and the thick smell of depression an Xanex. Resting my head against the cold, condensation stained glass, I begin to feel human again. An overly optimistic DJ on the radio is telling me it’s the first day of Spring. It’s a time solely dedicate to new begins, apparently. New life, new love, new cleaning products. Pass me the Clorox and excuse the pun.