As I have mentioned many times before here on tsp, In 2002 I reclined the seat in my car in the garage and closed my eyes and waited but before I fell asleep forever I kept seeing images of my 1 yr old niece and 5 year old nephew.  I got out of the car went up to bed, cried and have been living in pain ever since.  But its all worth it after days like today, when they show up out of the blue and we spend some hours having fun swimming, playing wiffle ball and just being around these 2 great kids makes me forget about my loneliness and despair.  All you need is one reason to keep living.  If you dont know what that reason is maybe you just haven’t found it yet, but if you kill yourself you’ll never find it.  I know the pain is real, I feel it everyday but we must persist if for no other reason than to find that one thing that makes you feel alive.