The biggest abomination of earth is life. I can never forgive my parents for how utterly selfish and disgusting they are for forcing me into this reality. They are the cause of all the suffering and constant, constant mental anguish I’ve felt EVERY day for YEARS AND YEARS. They perpetuated a horrific need that didn’t need to be but I’m the one who has to have it, without consent and is the most disgusting, unfathomable crime that could be committed. I hate that I love them and I hate that I have family and a precious little dog who would be destroyed if I ended my life. I hate being guilted out  and robbed of my own death. I hate this. It is so terrifying and hopeless.
Heart wrenchingly bad things  are happening all the time and there is nothing I can do to stop it, other people and animals are suffering and I don’t want to care, but I do and it burns me up all the time. Humans are so evil, there’s wars, murders, theft, violence, rape and all the abuse and injustice there is. There are 7 billion so it happens all the damn time and I want to scream and rip all my organs out and smash them. I want to die and I need to die. I can’t enjoy anything anymore unless I’m wasted, I need to be wasted all the time or I’ll have to be sober. I don’t want to have to  work, I don’t want to have to get a job to support an existence I despise. I’ve been through school and it destroyed me mentally, I have nightmares all the time. My biggest regret was being born and it wasn’t even my fault.
You can’t possibly ever give me therapy, or whatever you want to call it because reality is this. The only thing that can take away the pain is to cease to exist. It’s not me and my mental state that is the issue, it’s LIFE
9 comments
I agree. I also have a fundamental problem of existing in this reality. No amount of drugs will help me accept this life.
Welcome to the club man…I’m so sorry…
I feel exactly the same, anathema. Except, I think we have the right to take our own lives. We are not meant to suffer. This is wrong and it burns me up just like you. If you wanna talk email me..
I have found meaning in life by not contributing to the madness and being the part of the world that isn’t evil, chaos, etc. There is also a lot of good in the world. Choose to be a part of that and make it the stronger part that wins out 🙂
I have found meaning in life by not contributing to the madness and being the part of the world that isn’t evil, chaos, etc. There is also a lot of good in the world. Choose to be a part of that and make it the stronger part that wins out 🙂
Yeah you’re just seeing the truth. I used to have so much compassion for humans I put everyone before myself and they never did the same for me. I’ve lost my compassion and empathy for human beings only because they’re mostly too selfish to deserve it. Yup so much evil in the world. Just be happy you’re a good person who doesn’t hurt others. I really think you could be happy though. I don’t know why I’m posting shit online but its fun. The people on this forum seem to be good people so I bet some of them can help you.
Yeah I completely understand where you’re coming from. My parents are adoptive parents so I don’t rage against them for my existence…but my bio parents, on the other hand….I never want to see them again. Two things are forcing me to live in this nightmare world: one is lack of access to suicide as I’m disabled and two is not wanting to traumatize/break the hearts of my adoptive family and pets that are depending on me. The idea of abandoning animals that need me is sickening I don’t think I could do it. They are so helpless. But wouldn’t it solve the problem if we just hadn’t been born? Isn’t that better?
Hello, I feel exactly like you. I’m deeply affected by the ugliness of this world. Probably why I guess I made my research on the net that made me find this specific website.
I see your anger and share it. But let me share my thinking about it. I think that if you’re so aware of the ugliness of the world, it’s because you’re looking around. I think that if you’re so deeply affect it, it’s because you care about the fate of this world. I think that you’re the counter balance of the ugliness. As long you, and millions who just feel the same, are there, the world is pulled by a force in a good direction. This world needs you. You’re disgusted about the selfishness, the cruelty around? Good. Really good. Please, stay as you are and make something of it. Join other who just feels the same. They are there (we are there). In community groups, in teaching activities, on blog on the net. Anger is a good fuel. Just try to use your mirror: When you see to mush ugliness, look in the mirror, and be proud. Proud of your feellings. Proud to know that you’re part of the counter balance. On the side who wish (and work) for a better world. Don’t accept the world as it is, but just be more proud. There’s alot of beauty in the people who see the ugliness…
And for the guiltiness for the people around you: It’s a good thing. Be loved by people around, it’s not given to everyone (Just look on this website…). It’s precious. And knowing that killing yourself would cast the love of one in suffering, it’s already acknowledging that you’re loved. With that gift comes the responsibility of preserving those persons of that kind of suffering. If it mean to stay alive and deal with your pain… well deal with it. It’s the only honorable path.
I feel the same way. But just remember, your parents also went through the exact same thing. It’s not exactly a comforting thought, and I know it doesn’t really excuse suffering, but just know that even though your parents may not talk about it, they probably felt the same at some point. Maybe it wasn’t as bad for them as it is for you, but we all handle it differently. It’s normal to feel this way. Just talk to people, because I’m sure at some point, almost everyone has felt like this one way or another.