broken

Last night i broke down. Just completely lost it…again. i thought i was better, i thought i was fine. I obviously thought wrong. It happened out of nowhere. I don’t know what triggered it, i don’t understand. I was watching a movie, it wasnt a sad movie, and i just started crying. Started thinking. I had this urge, this itch, something was pulling me, egging me on. I had to cut, i had to let this pain out. So i did. And then i realized how much of a fuck up i am. I just threw three months of being self harm free down the toilet. I’m back at the beginning. I’ve restarted the cycle. Ill never get better now, i cant even last three lousy months.