Lately my life has went from bad to worse. Just when i thought it couldnt get worse of course it did. I have tried taking my life in several ways in the past but realize now things can definately get worse than they were back then. I cant control my emotions anymore. Everytime i get really upset all i can think about it harming myself… The main reason for all of this is because i just found out i had a miscarriage again. This is my second time of this happening but this time i didnt even know i was pregnant till it was to late. I just cant understand why god hated me so much that he took my baby before i even got the chance to hold her. Then to top it off i didnt even know i was pregnant this time. It still hurts me to think about the first time when i was so excited to be having a baby and then all of that got crushed. Sorry i just had to get all of that off my chest..
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I know what that’s like. It’s fucking hard.
I think it’s safe to say that I’m much younger than you, but I have to say, I don’t think it hurt any less. I’m really sorry about it. It messes with your head and makes you think it was your fault somehow (in my case at least). I had two, both times without knowing I was pregnant. It made me get deeper into drug use and I found it very difficult to cope.
God doesn’t hate you. I think these things just happen sometimes. I’m sincerely sorry about it. You might want to consider therapy. I hear it can help a fair bit.
there’s no reason to apologize! when you need to let something out, do it! I jsut want to start off my saying that you inspire me. Despite all this hardship, and pain you’ve gone through you’re still with us here. Though I don’t personally know what it’s like to have a miscarriage, I do know what it’s like to lose someone you love. I know that the pin is endless and it seems like it will never stop or get better. I know the overwhelming urge to just say”fuck it” and want to give up on life then and there. I know what it’s like to feel like God has it in for you. The feelings are overwhelming and they can seem like they’re out of control, but the fact that you’re still fighting shows me that you’re a survivor. You’re struggling with thoughts of self harm yet you still continue to live, to survive. I just want you to know that you’re not alone, and I’m sure i’m not the only person who admires you. Keep on fighting, because you’re a survivor.
it’s not your fault. your babies are in a better place.
Know that God is preparing you for the most beautiful child so get ready. Get your house in order, your body well and you will make a great mother. Remember there are many children like myself that had no parents and grew up in shelters and foster homes that yearn for a mom like you. God seems to put us through such tests to have our testimony and it is not fair. I had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy and my husband (not anymore, thank you) left me on the floor to die. Rushed to the hospital for surgery, lost 1/2 my parts and told I couldn’t have children. I was devastated. Almost a year later and standing at Costco, I saw a book ‘Miracle of Life’ and almost fainted. I learned I was pregnant. I guarded that pregnancy with my life and produce a beautiful young man all by myself. Yes, I could have done without all that pain and even now I feel fragile and I have to look at my sons pictures to remind me that life is worth living despite the temporary pain. I know how you feel and if you need someone to talk to when you reach that dark place, please call 408 608 4441, my name is Zsa Zsa and I will answer. Love and prayers to you.
http://www.bullyscape.com