Well I’m back after a year away. Not depressed, yet still badly wanting to depart this life. I contacted Dignitas at one point but was turned away as not terminal or elderly with chronic illness, and of course then there’s my extensive psychiatric history which apparently renders me incompetent of making this life/death decision. Not for me assisted suicide surrounded by loved ones in a nice room in Switzerland. Dream on, Louise50!
Been reading the Peaceful Pill handbook. That was a waste of money, as sources for the so called peaceful pill change all the time, it’s illegal in my country and phenomenally hard to get hold of. Tons of scammers looking to persuade you to send off your hard-earned cash in exchange for either nothing, or crushed up paracetomol. A doomed mission.
Yet I’m stable now, of sound mind – as sound as I’ll ever be – still had enough. I’ve reached 51 somehow and not yet died of a broken heart and spirit. As Dorothy Parker put it ‘you might as well live’ seeing as there is no hope of a peaceful or painless end.
Can you be currently happy and content and yet still wish to exit this world? In my case yes. Been through severe depression and will undoubtedly experience it again at some point judging from past form. Risk also becoming manic and psychotic, ruining myself financially and in all other ways. Am getting older all the time…the pains and frailties of old age creeping nearer every day. Am overweight from all the pills despite being a healthy and moderate eater. Have completely lost all sexual drive…maybe the menopause, maybe the pills. I’m on an anti psychotic, an antidepressant and a mood stabiliser plus something for the side effects.
Hell. No one wants to help me die. I might as well live.
1 comment
Ha! Sounds like the story of my life. I am also happy but I’m just ready to go also. My big plan was a jump off of Preikestolen, but that would necessitate a plane ticket that I’m too broke to afford (if I go, I’m going in style). I would like to add that in addition to the problems you mentioned that I look like a melting ice cream cone naked, somehow during the process of becoming a wizened old crone I am somehow forgetting so much of what I’ve learned that I question whether or not I’m losing my mind, and through isolation I think I am starting to realize that I communicate better with my dog than with other people (and weirdly enough I think my dog understands me back and finds me tedious unless I’m feeding her). I also find myself looking back on my sex life and thinking “yeah, I think I remember doing that”. Ahhh, isn’t aging a blast!
I’m with you, I may as well keep going, this stupid-crazy-sad life hasn’t killed me yet and hell I didn’t have any big afterlife plans anyway that I’m in any hurry to get to.
You sound like one tough chick, and from one tough chick to another, keep kicking a**!