My story,my life

Hello everyone, I have been on this site for a while,never really spoke about myself,not sure if someone is going to read this,but here goes anyway.I grew up in Brooklyn NY,im male Hispanic 36 years old.I never felt like I was a part of this world, I always felt different,always had different feelings towards people,feelings of compassion of helping others out.I never really understood why people were so evil.Why everyone just mostly cared about themselves.As a boy this is how I saw the world (and still do as an adult).Growing up I had 2 parents.For the most part my mother was always sweet and loving,never quite remembered her being in a bad mood.My father on the other hand was evil,always mad,bitter about life.He was always mean, never heard that man say he loved me or anything.I could never see what a woman like my mother could see in a man like this,but you know how that goes.I also have 2 brothers.Parents always have a favorite child,i was the middle child.My mother always loved and talked about my oldest brother and my father did the same for my younger.And there I was the stupid compassionate kid left all alone,that nobody loved.Growing up I was never popular and it was always hard for me to make any friends (yep you guessed it) I always had low self-esteem.(Geez,i wonder why)My older brother was always the most popular,he always had allot of friends.My younger brother was always my parents little baby.They always loved him more and showed him more love.Going to school was ok for the most part,until I got to high school.There was when I really saw how evil people could be towards each other,it was hell,pure hell I hated it with a passion.Kids were always fighting and somebody was always getting robbed.This is when I realized that I lived in an evil place,it was the ghetto,uncut and raw.I always cut school and just wandered off by myself.But not to drink or smoke weed or create havoc in some way,no.I wanted to be alone with my thoughts, I was always a loner.I never liked people or being around anyone.(you can problaby see why by now) I would make my parents think I was off to school every morning,but I had other plans.I never even bothered with it as I saw myself not even living to be and adult I wanted out of this world.Somehow,someway.I would always go into these more affluent neighborhoods and saw how other people lived,how different their lives were,how happy they were.Maybe cause they had more? was more better? A Nice house,a new car.Were these the things that people worked for?That made them happy?material possesions? interesting.But I couldn’t see how having any of those things could ever make me happy.But this is why people went to school,so they could get a good paying job,so they could be “happy” by having all these material possesions..More was better ?????? I don’t get it,im lost.The people who had these “things” seemed to be more happy and the have nots were always angry.I saw the contrast by going back to my “hood” and seeing the people there who had less and were not happy.The thing about growing up in the ghetto NY is that you have to be an animal you have to be aggressive.You cant have any soft fellings,the term “only the strong survive”,is appropriate here in this scenario if you will.But there I was, a guppy in a sea full of sharks,ready to get eaten at any moment.So when I reached the age of 16 that’s when I started to see I wasn’t happy in this world and that was the age when I tried to kill myself……….(to be continued)