It’s been how long now? I don’t really remember. But I do know there is some major shit going down at my house.
Specifically, Mom and Dad split up, Mom has a boyfriend, Dad has a fiance, sister’s pregnant and due in about 3 weeks.
Lots of shit.
And then there’s me.
Domino.
Y’know, I’ve been to hell and back with depression and suicide. And I was doing good too. So what the hell happened?
I might as well be clear with you all, at least the people who are going to read this. I’m a gay transboy. Which means a lot of stuff. First, I’m a boy in a girl body, I have a vagina and a uterus and ovaries, and my period is some unbearable shit. Second, means that even though I have girl parts, I’m a boy on the inside, and I’m attracted to men. either way, Christians better get ready to send me to hell, because I know one of those two things, if not both, will get my ass there. Yes, this means I challenge Christians and their faith and their bible. True friends won’t let their religion get in the way, now would they? At least my friends don’t.
This also means that yes, Domino is just an alias so no one from my family can find me (they’re all dumb pieces of shit so they don’t know how to search by IP address or something, so haha!) I would rather not give any other alias my family knows me by. So only the internet knows Domino, no one else but the internet.
But onto my main dilemma. I’ve recently (well not RECENTLY “decided”. I’ve always known I was supposed to be a dude. Just kept quiet and ignored how I felt until recently) realized that I’m a transboy. and I still like guys. The friends I have now accept me (and my man does too. Lovely <3) and I love all them to death. Anyways, I’ve been thinking of coming out to my family (who has truly been more supportive and loving over however long it’s been). But I don’t know how to. I mean, I’ve done a hell lot of research on Transgender, LGBT, family feelings of it, coming out, hormone therapy, and everything, which isn’t even part of it! It’s expensive shit, it’s not like I decided I just want a dick one day! It’s irreversible, the therapy, and the possible top and bottom surgery (aka Gender Reassignment Surgery, which will probably never happen). But anyways, I don’t know what I should put in my letters to my family, or whether to say “I’m a GAY TRANSBOY, meaning I’m a dude on the inside and I like dudes.” or say “I’m a transboy, which means I’m a dude on the inside, and not a girl”, and then later on in life say “I’m a gay transboy. You know what transboy means, and you know what gay means. Put two and two together, people.” (I’m not going to say it exactly like that, it’s just to make this feel more casual than the stuff I’m trying to think of. I haven’t been able to finish any letters because whenever I try to, I start crying.)
I know this isn’t much of a “suicide” type of post, but it’s just to tell you peeps I am alive. And I still need help with my decision making. I don’t remember a lot on this place, and if anyone has any links to online transgender support groups, FAQs about transgender in general, or anything to help make this soon to be official transition any easier, please please please help out this dude. I love you all, all you wonderful peeps. Haters of transgender and/or gays, keep hating me and watch as I don’t give an elephant shit, helpful and wonderful people who don’t hate trans/gay peeps, I love you peeps! <3
7 comments
try checking out the trevor project
Oooo, I just googled it and it looks fabulous! I shall see what I can do, thank ye kindly Mister/Miss Passionfruit3!
As an older person … I can say i don’t/didn’t’ understand what “transboy” was til you explained it. And even the explanation is difficult to wrap my mind around … and for that i am sorry – but if you were my kid it would be my job to understand and support you in every way possible for your happiness and success in life. I hope your parents are open and understand that it’s you – their child – that is more important than anything else.
confused dawg
Thank you very much Dawg. Every little ounce of support helps in the long run. Not just for me but for any LGBT people who come across.
Reason why I say anyone is because sometimes it feels like no one is on our side. So it’s just a good thing to see someone who would understand and support their kid the best they could if they were LGBT.
i reaken its awesome! you should go for it and if your parents don’t understand how you feel then make them tell them what its like to help you get that thingbob (too lazy to write it down sorry) but i hope that you find that big bit of happiness off being a boy just check my mate out im sure he would love uxxx
You’re welcome DJ – you’d be surprised at some of the people that are on your side that you probably see everyday but don’t think they would be. I’ve reconnected with a lot of my old HS friends through the popular social network sites and people i never would have guessed are pretty open about their support. I have kids (adults now) but it was a question i had to consider early on – and it didn’t take much time and/or consideration … they are my kids,no matter what they are or choose to be (except criminal of course). There is a plurality of society that recognizes that sexual/gender identity is determined in the womb and as such is beyond the capacity for “choice” … but equally as important is “rights” are for everyone … not just those who look and act like we do … they extend to all of the diversities of humanity.
I truly hope your parents can see beyond their safe little stereotypical world view and simply embrace you for you – their child … no more, no less.
peace
rainbow dawg
‘passionfruit3’
I’d like to talk to you…