When I was 3 my father commited suicide. I was told this on my 14th birthday the age I am currently at now. When I heard the news it changed my view of him. How can I forgive a man who basically abandoned me. How can forgive a man who never even loved me. I mean seriously if he truly loved me he would have stayed with me and my mom and my brother. It funny how people are soo “blessed” to have a father. But, am I even blessed to not have one. I feel as if I’m in darkness and stuck there and I can’t get out. I mean I try to ask God if he can help me but he doesnt even love me; because if he did he would have never given my dad depression just to kill himself. The one thing that hurts the most is that he could have chose to live. But he didn’t choose to live. Its just too much. Another thing is that I was only 3. 1. I couldnt even do anything and 2. I barely have any memories with him. Life is so unfair.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
8 comments
It’s really sad how unfair life is. I actually was going to post something right now when I read your post. So I’ll so that later, I feel bad about it now. So much to say as why your dad took his life, or to question. He may have been hurting beyond imagination for one. I am not condoning what he did at all. I myself am going through some abandonement issues right now. The word itself is in my suicide note…”abandonement “.I really dont think you can say he didnt love you..because Im sure he did. When one is in so much pain, it’s really hard. Depression is so horrible…a friend told me worst than her cancer. Why would God let bad things like little kids get raped…etc….I personally stopped believing in God. I’m not saying for the next person that there isnt one, but I dont believe anymore. You are going to have to work through this the best you can and maybe jusy maybe know he was hurting so so bad. I hope this helps alittle.
But he left me in sooo much pain.
Thank you it did. I appreciate your help
I know he did. I am so sorry. It’s just really messed up…life. It’s funny my daughter has told me to go kill myself, that nobody wants me. I want her so much, I love her so much. Isnt that ironic. I dont even know why I told you that. I’m sorry, it doesnt help you. I’m just feeling sad.
I feel very bad for you and can see that you have some real pain surrounding this.
I have 2 children (10 and 9), I have not been allowed to see them for 1 year now. I have tired to kill myself a few times and should really be dead. I am still in a very, very bad way and not sure if I will survive this.
However, this might help you and that is, I love my children more than anything. I will always love them and no matter what I am going through, it is not their fault. I believe your dad also loved you more than anything, but the pain sometimes is too much and no matter how much I love my children (like your dead loved you), it doesn’t stop the pain (because it is not their fault).
So you were loved, you couldn’t have done anything then nor when you were 14 or even if you are an adult. It is not the people that love us or that we love that we want to be free from. It is the pain, a never ending pain. Does this help a little?
Where your father failed, it is now up to you to succeed. Recognizing the difficulty of doing so, perhaps you will see a basis for forgiveness. And having forgiven, success will then be possible. Good luck.
Thank you it did. He just totally recked me. :*(
No it does help. I’m just have sooo many mix of emotions.