I will start by saying I am confused, I’m a girl and I’m 12 years old. Until a couple weeks I lived in the country side with my father, my mother and him divorced when I was younger. I don’t have any siblings. I’m generally a happy child, wow I don’t think I’ve used the word happy in a while… 3 weeks ago my dad committed suicide. I was at school when I got pulled out of class. I don’t want to say how it happened it’s hard to think about. The problem is my life i was really close to my dad and I just don’t know what I’m feeling right now I don’t see my friends anymore and I live with my mom in the city now. It’s so different and well I just keep thinking about my dad. I don’t do anything anymore and I’m just sooooo confused. I don’t understand why he did that. I keep thinking it was because i said something because we fought the night before, and I keep thinkng maybe he was bored with me I don’t know what to do anymore and i don’t speak to my mom very much because I don’t really know her. I don’t know how to deal with everything going on in my mind it’s just soo hard to have these thoughts over and over again. Sometimes I think about just taking some of my moms sleeping pills or jumping out of this gray dark apartment. I just can’t keep living like this.
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I’m sure that he was confused as well. Something caused him to do it but it surely wasn’t you.
Don’t do anything too hasty, the healing process may take a long time. Just keep talking to us. Getting everything might even make you feel better.
Also, keep talking to your mom, I’d bet she’s very worried about you and doesn’t know how to handle all of this either.
Toxic’s right. I doubt it was any of your fault. Maybe he found something out about a close friend or family member and couldn’t take it anymore. Don’t leave though. It’ll be okay. Don’t worry your mother with any of this though. I’m sure she would like to spend time with you and get yo know you. Try doing things that she likes and things that you like. Music, anything. Not knowing your mom is hard… Especially when you’ do lived 3/4 of your life with her. Mg mom is currently on drugs and has been for… Well, the past 20 or so years. Little did I know, she was and is constantly out of it so I don’t know my real mother. I suggest you spend quality time with her and enjoy the time you have. Most importantly, stay strong.