Used

I think the hardest problem I’m facing right now is the fact that life got better, I was doing ok, and now, back to this feeling of incredible nothingness, the void that stays in my heart even when things seem to be all right.

NO one wants me in their life, really.  I started talking to my mom again, found out she and my dad were getting a divorce, and all of it is good because for years they have stayed together and it was making them miserable.  I reconnected with them, and I got a room mate to help me with the bills.  I got a job after four months of no income.  Life seems to have gotten better, and after living over a year without power because of my workplace bullying, I finally got the power turned on.

I found a therapist who was working on her license to go to and worked through s0me things, but frankly, she’s not what I needed.  I need someone who has been in my shoes, and because no one has, her rich life of luxury and designer clothes does nothing more than piss me off.  She recently dumped me, saying I had improved so i no longer had to see her.  Fooled her, didn’t I?

Truth is, like every other person that comes into my life, there’s so much more that’s important, and more important, than I will ever be.  She’s just busy.  I’m not that messed up.

I want to kill my ex boss, the one that caused my injury, but I never told her that.  I want to die, but I never told her that.  I’m so tired of this world, like my job, where they’ve promised me a raise and promotion for six months and still have not begun my training.  The worker’s comp people are trying to screw me, and they had the doctor release me after I was called a no show to an appointment.  I never knew about the appointment, and now, I’m blacking out, peeing on myself, and a few days ago pooped on myself.

The orthopoedic surgeon called my two slipped discs a minor annoyance.  Right.  Let that doc go poop in his pants, and make him a thirty year old single woman with no one who gives a shit in her life and see how long he would consider the injury, minor.

I think I’ve lost faith in humanity.